Diabetes(jokes)!

(1)Pay more, see more!
Patient: Doc, after operation I see no better!
Doctor: At this price I can’t offer you more
vision. Pay more, see more!
Patient: I don’t mind doc,the less I see the less
I sulk!

(2)Diabetes!
Patient: What’s diabetes, doc?
Doctor: It’s a small scale sugar industry in human
body.

(3Mosquito!
Media man: Mr. Minister, mosquito borne diseases still continue to take toll! What measures are you going to take?
Minister: We’re going to train the mosquitoes so that they
refrain from carrying the life threatening virus!

Climate Change Summit

Now the whole world is much concerned about global warming and is focused on Climate Change Summit at Copenhagen. Nature never tolerates excesses and we have been perpetrating it ruthlessly for generations oblivious of its consequences. Now danger is knocking at our door and we’ve awakened to reality. Knee jerk movement has started. Nations, big and small, rich and poor, developed and developing are all rushing to Danish capital with anxieties writ large on their faces. The main objective is how to contain green house gases in atmosphere to stall rise in global temperature. Global warming has already started taking toll and if it can not be reined in drought and deluge in unprecedented scale will strike the humanity. In fact, now is the time not control the damage already done but to resist further damage. So immediately all countries should come to consensus that they would take effective measures to diminish emission of carbon .Admittedly, developed countries are responsible for three-fourths of already accumulated emitted carbon in atmosphere and an embargo on carbon emission would adversely affect economic growth of developing countries. Developed nations might reduce emission by harnessing improved technology which developing countries can not afford. So developed nations should come forward to help their developing counter parts financially to ensure they could use advanced devices to curb carbon emission without compromising their economic growth. Problem should be sorted out by mutual consent and co-operation without wasting time delving into blame game.Mind,it has been already late and we should have seriously considered the problem much earlier. We fervently hope this Copenhagen Summit must show a way out to save our planet from the great disaster staring us in the face.

Pickpocket(jokes)!

(1Pick pocket!
A: The pick pocket was caught red handed and
then meted out hand to mouth treatment.
B: What’s this hand to mouth treatment all about?
A: He was roughed up and abused!

(2)Reconciliation!
A: Once they were friends, but now they’re at
daggers drawn!
B: Have you ever tried reconciliation between
them?
A: Yes, I did but couldn’t make both ends meet!

(3)Quitting smoking habit!
A: I’m happy your husband has given up smoking!
Wife: But I’m not happy.
A: Why?
Wife: If he can quit 25-year old smoking habit in a
moment, he may quit me too at any moment!

Presidency College

Presidency college enjoys the rare distinction of being the oldest college of India. It was established way back in 1817 named as Hindu College. In 1855 it was renamed as Presidency College and brought under govt control. The college was rated no.1 in academic excellence in the whole country for a long time. It produced a host of illustrious personalities who are ever remembered for their unique contributions in different walks of life. However, presently the college’s lost much of its sheen, although it’s still adjudged one of the 10 best colleges in the country. Some attribute this relegation to infiltration of politics in the field of education in the state. Here in many cases merit’s given way to political allegiance. So people of average merit rule the roost in the seats of learning and Presidency College cannot totally alienate itself from what’s happening around. Presidency college will soon emerge as a full-fledged university, although government college teachers' association is not happy for such special favour accorded to this institution. It may be pointed out unlike colleges, universities as autonomous institutions enjoy freedom in recruitment of faculties. In new born Presidency university and for that matter in any other universities if teaching and non teaching faculty members are recruited strictly on merit and on no other considerations,political or otherwise, they are likely to grow into institutions of excellence, provided they’ve adequate infrastructure.Hope,forth coming Presidency university will be our national pride as university as it was once as a college.

Begging and Buffet(jokes)!

.(1)Begging and Buffet!
When shabbily dressed people hold their bowls and
ask for food it’s begging. When handsomely dressed
people hold their dishes and ask for food it’s buffet!

(2)Punctuality!
Son: Dad, how many of us are punctual?
Dad: Not many, my son!
Son: Then why do we clamour, if winter is a bit late?
Dad: It’s human nature to find fault with others, my son!

(3)Father’s missing!
Son: Doc, I don’t find my dad in bed!
Doc: I know. He’s missing.
Son: How can he be missing? He’s too weak to walk!
Doc: I’m happy my medicine’s worked so well he went
out of the hospital alone!

Ahmed's Austerity!

Sultan Ahmed,state minister of tourism in central govt has recently hit the news
for his unbelievably high hotel bills at Delhi in six months. However, he pleads
ignorance and pass the buck to the officials of his department for misguiding
him. But few like to buy into this naive argument. People hold him responsible for
misuse of public exchequer, particularly when his govt has embarked upon austerity measures.Ahmed’s so called ignorance has turned out to be a bane rather than bliss to his party too.So TMC supremo has asked him to cough up the money from his own pocket to bail out of the embarrassing situation.Ahmed’s agreed to her advice seemingly much to his relief. But how has Ahmed agreed to pay as much as 38 lacs of rupees at one go from his coffer? How much money has he amassed ? Is it in tune with his source of income? All these questions might now arise!

Doctors,then and now

Doctors were once the most revered segment our society. Family physicians were friends, philosophers and guides to many of us. Some even used to discuss their personal non-medical problems with their doctors. Doctor patient relation was one of mutual trust and respect. Time’s undergone sea-change. A doctor is now like any other professional, although medical profession is not like any other profession.It deals with life. A doctor’s slightest mistake might take away a precious life. But a section of unscrupulous doctors have reduced this noblest of professions to a simple money making business. They fleece patients in all possible ways, take gifts ranging from costly house hold appliances to foreign trips from pharmaceutical companies to prescribe their medicines even if they’re of inferior quality or dearer than other medicines of same composition and efficacy. They also take commissions from diagnostic centers and advise investigations those are not necessary for the patients. They’ve unholy nexus with private hospitals and nursing homes too.Some surgeons in particular make no bones about charging exorbitantly high fees for operations if the patient concerned happens to have medical insurance policy. Hospitals and nursing homes also follow suits. Insurance companies, on the other hand, enhance the rate of premium to make good their ‘loss’. However, in all professions there are bad and good people too. But in medical professions ‘bad’ people can do much more harm than those in other professions. For them doctor patient relation has turned out to be one of distrust and disrespect. Now patients tend to disbelieve even the honest intention of doctors.Nothing can be more unfortunate! Happily, the picture’s is not as gloomy as it appears to be. There’re a good number of honest and dedicated doctors whose motto is to serve people to the best of their ability. Patient’s well-being is their priority.

Liquor Death(jokes)!

(1)Reading !
Lady: Why do you keep looking at me?
Man: I’m reading you like a book.
Lady: So nicely you talk! Keep reading
but don’t thumb the page!

(2)Head&Heart!
A: He’s a man of head and heart!
B: I’m afraid he might suffer both cerebral
and heart attack.
A: I’m happy you’ve no such possibility!

(3)Liquor death!
Son: Dad, liquor death takes place again!
Dad: Sad, but it’s a blessing in disguise, my son!
Son: Why, dad?
Dad: It’d create liquor phobia among the addict and help them quit alcohol.

Letter to the Editor, TOI

Honest Journalism!
I like to thank you for receding Lok Sabha proceedings to 4th page while Didi's illogical and delirious utterances finding larger space in the 3rd page in today's edition of your daily. I like to further congratulate you on your seemingly conscious omission of Didi's deliberately replacing P.Chidambaram's 'assist' by her 'assess' to confuse public and her cadres. You also deserve compliments for your insinuation at BJP's support to the Left in Lok Sabha while the latter was protesting against sending Central team to W.Bengal.You also deserve praise for your well concerted move along with some private TV channels in the state to liberate people from the shackle of Left's 'misrule'.

Remembering Victims' Families!

26/11 Tragedy!
Public memory’s short, govt’s memory’s probably shorter. During any disaster, natural or man made, govt normally make promises to offer relief or compensation to the next of kin of the victims. Central govt made such promises to the victims’ families of 26/11 macabre incident. But unfortunately , many of the victims’ relatives are yet to receive the promised compensation. While whole nation was busy paying tribute to the 26/11 victims, Advani was locked in unseemly spat with Pranab Mukherjee over this issue in Lok Sabha. He placed the statistics regarding how many of the victims’ relatives entitled to get relief are running from pillar to post. Our heart rightly bleeds for those who died and should also feel for those who’re alive with the saddest ever memory of their dearest ones!

Industry at Nano-site!

When BHEL visited Singur for establishing a power project at the ill fated site
where Tata’s Nano project died an unnatural death and later came back to life at Gujarat, people there and govt as well were a bit elated. Before BHEL’s visit Didi had been nowhere near the scene. But now she bounced back with her old demand of returning 400 acres of land to the so-called unwilling farmers, though she was well aware that not an inch of land could be returned to the original owner under the existing law. That apart, her much hyped ‘400 acre’ is a myth. In reality 85% of farmers have taken money for their land that amounts to roughly 850 acres.So land belonging to ‘unwilling farmers’ stands at only 150 acres. Incidentally,Didi’s reportedly expressed her willingness to have a railway project in collaboration with state govt on 600 acre of land on the same site, though she’s not yet formally communicated it to the state govt.Fortunately for BHEL, it’s presently declined to make its power project here, otherwise it might ultimately have the same fate as Tata’s, thanks to Didi’s spanner!

Bank loan(Jokes)!

(1)Bank loan!
Son: Dad, why did bank’s loan recovery agent lift
Ram babu’s son-in-law?
Dad: It’s very simple, my boy! Ram babu took bank loan to pay huge dowry to Shyam babu to get(buy) his son as son-in-law but unfortunately failed to repay it!

(2)Film Stars!
A: Of film stars and cricket stars who do you think
deserve higher status?
B: Obviously film stars!
A: Why ?
B: As a film star can purchase cricket stars ( Shahrukh Khan in IPL).

(3)Answer script!
A: See, university’s bound to show you answer script
on demand!
B: It’s of no use to me.
A: Why ?
B: University won’t allow my private tutor to accompany
me!

Remembering 26/11

On 26/11,2008 nation awakened to gunshots and witnessed the grimmest ever terrorist
attack India had faced.It’s still fresh in our memory and this macabre incident shall never cease to haunt those who lost their near and dear ones to terrorists’ bullets. We’ve paid tribute to the departed souls with befitting dignity across the country. Though public memory’s proverbially short, we would try to ever remember those ill fated victims of terrorism.Terrorism is a global phenomenon and countries those sponsor terrorism now themselves have become it’s prey.So on this very day we should all vow to condemn terrorism and violence in any form and unitedly stand against this formidable menace!

Promoter(Jokes)!

(1)Promoter!
Son: Dad, I’ve heard some people demolished an old
mosque at Ayodhya.Were they deployed by promoters?
Dad: Yes, my son. They were deployed by promoters of
communalism!

(2)Stickler of Grammar!
Teacher: He put his best foot forward to do it!
Student: Sir, is he a man or animal?
Teacher: Why do you ask it?
Student: You’ve said ‘best foot’.
Teacher: What’s wrong in it?
Student: Man’s two feet only!

(3)Taking to task!
A: He goes to school without his home task done
and is punished.
B: His parents should see to it!
A: His dad chides him but can’t take him to task!

Liberhan Report

Clamour over leakage of Liberhan Commission’s report has almost died down and now it’s contents have engaged people’s attention. Report’s claim that the demolition of Babri Masjid was not triggered by sudden mass frenzy and it was the outcome of premeditated and well planned move was any body’s guess. What’s shocking and surprising is alleged involvement of Atalbehari Bajpayee in the move. Though connected with Sangh Parivar, Bajpayee’s looked upon and revered as a person with liberal outlook and secular mindset. He’s acceptable even to those who don’t share the political ideology of BJP.In electoral fray,BJP too cashed in on his so called clean image and it paid them dividend . So inclusion of his name in the report is really unfortunate!Liberhan sprang another surprise in his report by exonerating the then Prime Minster P.V.Narasingh Rao, which seems unbelievable! Though time’s taken much of its sheen, still the Liberhan report deserves due attention.

Running Water(jokes)!

(1)Running water!
A: In our hotel we’d no running water, rather we’d to
run after water!
B: But at our holiday home water ran after us!
A: How lucky you were!
B: Not at all.
A: Why?
B: Our room was flooded when it rained!

(2)Longer life!
Doctor: Why have you come to me so late?
Patient: Because I wished to live longer!

(3)Smiles!
Q. Why have many of us forgotten ‘smiles’?
Ans. As it’s the longest word in English where
two ‘S’es are separated by a mile!

Misuse of Power

Power is apt to corrupt an individual and political parties are no exception. Imagine the extent of corruption, nepotism, despotism and other vices are likely to be ingrained in a party or a front that is in power for inordinately long period. One will rather wonder if any thing to the contrary happens. So change of power at a regular interval is welcome in democracy. But if the replacement proves worse than the earlier one, people will be in quandary .In Bengal it’s no wonder public mood should swing in favour of change after prolonged LF rule. But the way TMC supremo, immediately after assuming office as Railway minister, felicitated a handpicked intellectuals who almost directly campaigned for her in LS polls and awarded them Railway Golden passes in a function of Railways did not send a good signal to well meaning people. Not only that, she’s reportedly employed many of the above noted celebrities in different Railway committees with handsome pay and perks. If right now she starts distributing largesse among her favourites,what she’ll do after getting full power of the state is easily conceivable.Perhaps,she’ll do in much shorter time what LF could do in so many years!

Sheep(jokes)!

(1)Given out!
Q. The batsman hit the ball and started running. Before
he could reach the crease, a fielder pushed the ball with
leg and it hit the stumps. Umpire gave him out. What ‘out’
was he given?
Ans. Kick out!

(2)Evicted!
A: Landlord has asked him to vacate the flat.
B: Hasn’t he paid rent in time?
A: No.
B: Then?
A: As each month he awakened landlord on dot at 12 night
to pay rent just in time!

(3)Sheep!
A: Whom do you envy most?
B: A sheep!
A: But what on earth makes you envy a sheep?
B: Because it wears cent percent pure wool!

Disciplining The Govt Employees

Bengal govt’s taken a fresh drive to enforce timely attendance and departure
at its offices.However, on earlier occasion too it took similar drive that miserably
failed for lack of sustained efforts. A determined and continued endeavor is bound to yield result. Long accustomed to coming late and going early employees are likely to initially grumble about the administration’s attempt to change this old habit but ultimately they’ll respond favorably to the present move to bring discipline in govt offices. That apart, an employee can’t defy this legitimate govt circular regarding their attendance. It may be pointed out timely attendance doesn’t necessarily mean office works are done in time. To ensure files are duly moved and follow-up actions taken, constant vigil by officer in charge concerned is necessary. To restore order after a long period of disorderliness is quite a tough job and it will take time. It’s no denying the fact this knee jerk move to establish work culture with a view to refurbishing govt’s image is a fall out of miserable electoral reverses LF suffered, but nevertheless it must receive overwhelming popular support across the state . However, there’s a lurking suspicion that if not this move might again reduce to a nine days’ wonder as on earlier occasion!

LAD(jokes)!

(1)MPLAD!
Son: Dad, will not the MP’s outburst of rage over
expenditure of local area development(LAD) money
affect TMC’s image?
Dad: May be, but not in a big way!
Son: Why?
Dad: As this development is confined to local area only!

(2)Not reachable!
A: He’s elevated his status to such a height, you can’t
reach there.
B: Who told you?
A: Whenever I try to contact him over phone ,his lady secretary says, ‘He’s not reachable’!

(3)Smoking!
A: Cigarette smoking becomes increasingly expensive!
B :Then give up smoking!
A: No. I’d rather ask the passive smokers to contribute
to my smoking expenses!

MP's Lad!

Whose lad he is? MP’s or of those who’ve made him an MP by their hard labour? It’s a pertinent question! An MP’s not born, he’s made. It’s no wonder, the MP makers(local leaders and party activists)can also claim to be the custodian of the lad referred to as MPLAD.To rear a lad money is required and it’s called MPLAD fund. So an MP and his makers are jointly the custodian of the fund. That apart MP’s alone and makers are many, so in democracy their say in how the fund will be spent to rear the lad is final.MP can’t impose his will on their say .In fact what’s more democratic is entire fund be handed over to them and they’ll use it in their own way, what they think is lad's ‘benefit’. Again, as they render service to the lad, they can rightly claim a portion of the fund as service charge. What’s wrong in it? Some MPs have started clamoring over so simple and innocent a matter. Nonsense!

Thackeray's Tirade

Bal Thackeray’s tirade against Sachin’s remark that Mumbai is for all Indians and he’s first an Indian and then a Maharashtrian is nothing surprising. Thackeray has the dubious distinction of hogging the limelight by making such controversial comments. He did it many times in the past. But what Sachin has said is really encouraging and worth emulating! It invokes a sense of national integration and sends a fitting reply to all secessionist forces those are gaining ground in some parts of our country. All sensible and well meaning people will stand by Sachin and condemn Thackeray in no uncertain term!.

Stay Healthy!

Medical treatment has now become pretty costly and it’s beyond the reach of many. A treatment involves doctor’s fees, cost of medicines and medical investigations, each of which is getting increasingly dearer day by day .But diseases won’t take into account all these odds and pounce upon you whenever opportunity comes aided and abetted by environmental pollution. That apart there’re some genetically transmitted and life style diseases like diabetes, hypertension and cardiac ailments and so on. India would soon enjoy the dubious distinction of being the world capital of diabetes and cardio vascular diseases. So many have to cough up a chunk of their income for medical expenses. Doctors advise, of course it’s doubtful how many doctors follow their own advice, regular exercise and lifestyle modification could help prevent or delay the on set of these diseases. Unfortunately, very few pay heed to such healthy suggestions to be healthy, if not wealthy and wise! Perhaps, they wish they could choose their parents before their birth in stead of going in for hard task like regular exercise and life style modification! Parents employ host of private tutors in different subjects for their wards and ask them to study seriously with religious regularity. But how many of them ask their children to do physical exercise regularly and employ an instructor to supervise it? Certainly, they are microcoscopic minority! Mind, now most jobs are stressful and in the age of liberalization world has been highly competitive. So sans sound health and mind one won’t survive. Be aware!

Score Card(jokes)!

(1) Score Card!
Dad: Where’s your score card, my child?
Child: I’ve given it to my friend.
Dad: Why?
Child: He’s taken it to scare his parents!

(2)Rail-link!
A: Soon bus services would get beating!
B: Why?
A: As Didi’s decided to connect all places
by railways.

(3) Driver!
A: See, I’m looking for a driver!
B: Have you purchased a car?
A: No. I’ve bought a motorcycle!

To Bengal Chief Minister!

Given the unrelenting mood of the electorate, perhaps triggered by the anti-incumbency factors coupled with some formidable mistakes made, it’s more
or less certain L.F govt is going to lose out to TMC-Cong alliance in 2011
Assembly poll. So Buddhadev Bhattacherjee has nothing more to lose if he
takes some hard decisions right now in governance of the state. First of all he should purge corrupt and unwanted elements from his party mercilessly. Secondly, he should deal with the law and order problem, whoever are responsible for it, with iron hand.Third,he should try hard to implement the projects he deems beneficial to our state even in the teeth of stiff resistance of the opposition. Fourth, he must implement his long standing Do-it-Now program at govt offices even if he has to go in for confrontations with the unions. In short, he must shun appeasement policy at all levels and stop playing to the gallery with an eye to the vote bank.

Rally(jokes)!

(1)Rally!
Man: Why do you make rallies on working days?
Politician: Why should the rally participants work on holidays?

(2)Metro Suicide!
A: See, after Didi’s become Railway minister, metro rail services
are often disrupted due to suicides!
B: Perhaps CPM activists are often committing suicides to disrupt metro rail services!


(3)Birth day!
One day a beggar who daily begged for rice, asked for cakes.
‘ Why do you ask for cake in stead of rice today?’, asked
a man.’ Today’s my birthday’, replied the beggar.

Fait Accompli!

Now it’s almost a fait accompli that Left Front will lose power in 2011 Assembly poll, provided Mamata Banerjee makes no Himalayan blunder in the mean time. Now the
question arises what LF will do in the intervening period. Will it step down and seek fresh mandate to sit in opposition or continue as usual till 2011?.It’s to be noted Central govt is in no mood to promulgate President’s rule in the state, which might go to LF’s advantage, particularly when public mood is unrelentingly against the present govt. Naturally, it’ll let the govt collapse on its own. Under the present circumstances a govt with such sagging morale can’t function properly. As a result all developmental activities might virtually stop, violence and lawlessness awfully rise and all blame would be squarely laid on govt by the opposition. So some suggest in the party that it’s prudent for the Left to call it quits. However, party has decided not to surrender power now, what might be in store for it in Assembly poll in 2011!It argues, to quit now will be betrayal to people who gave overwhelming mandate in its favour to stay in power full term.

Passive Smoking(jokes)!

(1)Cold drink!
A: He’s very fond of cold drink!
B: What’s wrong in it?
A: He often gets drunk!
B : How does a cold drink make him drunk?
A :Because he likes cold hard drinks!

(2)Passive smoking!
A: It’s for passive smokers that I’ve given up
smoking!
B: Thanks! You really feel for them.
A: Not that! I can’t tolerate them smoking passively at
my cost!

(3)Beggar!
‘ Why do you come here for food daily? Can’t you try elsewhere?’,
the man asked the beggar.
‘ I can’t stand the spicy food served elsewhere’, snapped back
the beggar.

Letter to the Editor,TOI

Mamata’s Success!

It’s rarely seen that one can achieve spectacular success by playing a negative role like Mamata Banerjee.To oppose the govt tooth and nail in every respect even at the cost of state’s interest and keep spewing venom on CPM are the essence of her political style,which you fondly call 'master strategy' or some times 'master strokes'. Interestingly,this so called strategy has clicked wonderfully beyond her expectations and perhaps baffled many political observers too. The success may be partially attributed to some glaring blunders of the ruling party. Admittedly, she’s harnessed her Railway ministry to do some positive work that has drawn public attention and enriched her vote bank, that too after LS poll. So it can’t explain her phenomenal victory in LS poll. Now she keeps harping on ‘state sponsored’ terrorism in which her party is playing no mean role.Perhaps, in days to come lawlessness will be on the rise, all developmental work will come to a stand still. More than one year is left for assembly poll to be held, till then such situation will continue. Who can say it might not go from bad to worse after she assumes office in 2011?.That LF will call it a day now is a matter of hot speculation .Perhaps, there’s no such precedence in Indian politics.In fine, it may be pointed out, the way the story of Left’s debacle in election was presented in your daily could not hide your cheerful out burst that might relegate even a staunch TMC activist to back seat. Please rein in emotion while presenting news.

Assembly By-polls

In Bengal wind of change keeps blowing unabated in Assembly by elections too. Out of ten seats Left has bagged only one. However, in effect it’s lost two seats to the opponent. The electoral reverses it started suffering since Panchayet poll continues undiminished. If this trend continues in coming Kolkata corporation elections too, change of power in favour of TMC-Congress alliance in Assembly poll in 2011 would be a forgone conclusion. Change of power after certain period of time augurs well for democracy. Long stay in power breeds corruption, nepotism, arrogance and complacency as well, although change for the sake of change is not desirable either. People always desire change for the better, particularly in a state like ours where terrorist and divisive forces are gaining ground. Victory of secessionist party like Gorkha Janamukti Morcha in the poll does not obviously send a good signal for the unity and integrity of the state. Whoever is in power must be on their guard against such evil forces. That apart, in democracy opposition should always extend support to the govt in the developmental work of the state. But here unfortunately this trait is absolutely lacking.Hope,if opposition comes to power,the present ruling party won’t behave the same way!
.


i

Just in Jest!

(1) Marriage!
A: They say marriage’s made in heaven!
B: But what follows after marriage is made
in hell!


(2) Divorce!
Son: What’s divorce, dad?
Dad: It’s permission for another marriage/divorce!

(3)Luckier!
Q. Why are women luckier than men?
Ans.Because women have no wives!


(4)Mortality!
Q.Man’s mortal, but what about woman?
Ans.Woman makes man mortal!

Sachin Tendulkar

Master blaster Sachin Tendulkar has blasted one record after another. No body knows
where and when he’d stop! He’ s literally made mountain of runs which seems difficult to scale in decades to come. So Sachin’s assigned an uphill task for future generation of cricketers. Cricket is the be-all and end-all of Sachin’s life. He seems not to have fit in any role so well other than that of a cricketer, particularly as batsman. Perhaps he feel ill at ease when he performs ad assignments. He does not feel comfortable even as a captain either. He’s essentially a batsman from head to foot, though well skilled in other departments of the game. Like many other renowned batsmen, Sachin too went through bad patch when his batting performance badly declined and critics suggested it was high time he could call it a day. For God’s sake, he did not oblige them! He’s proved them wrong and shown there’s much of cricket left in him. Perhaps, critics won’t ever dare ask Sachin to retire even if his performance shows a down ward trend till he himself decides to call it quits!

Political Parlance(jokes)

(1)Politics!
A: See, political parties use even a dead body for
politicking
B: Yes, it’s called Body politic!

(2)New coinage!
When you toss a coin don’t say Head or Tail, instead
say Marxist or Maoist!

(3)Negotiation!
Home minister: Lay down arms and come to negotiation
table.
Maoists: Let us lay down arms on the table and start negotiation!

English Teaching

Perhaps now there is no debate over teaching of English from lower primary level as it was couple of years ago. Bengal govt’s decision to ban English teaching at primary level left no option to the parents but to admit their wards to English medium schools. Many took advantage of this situation and opened so called English medium schools over night without caring for their standard only to make a fast buck .People too made a rat race to get their children admitted even to such mushroomed schools. On the other hand, Bengali medium schools started languishing and many of them called it a day for dearth of students. At long last Govt awakened to reality and lifted the ban. English teaching started from primary level again. Now govt has even decided to make medium of instruction English at some selected schools, This experimentation with English teaching and late realization have proved costly for many who could not afford to admit their wards to English medium institutions. Hoewever,it’s to be noted at present time knowing English is not all, fluency in speaking is also necessary. In that respect English medium schools have certainly edge over their Bengali counter part.

Mail Train(Jokes)!

(1)Mail train!
Sardar was waiting for a train at a railway station
with his wife. A mail train came and Sardar boarded
it and told his wife, “ See, it’s a male train, wait till
a female train comes in”.

(2)Truth and Untruth!
A: What’s the difference truth and untruth?
B: Only four inches!
A: How?
B: As the distance between eye and ear is
four inches. It’s called Da Inchi Code!

(3)Cold reception!
A: He did not come here due to cold reception.
B: Cold reception? Rather he’s given warm
reception whenever he comes here!
A: Oh not that! He could not come here simple because
he caught(received) cold.

Disclosure of Judges' Assets

It’s unfortunate that Supreme court still shies away from being in the purview of right to information act in regard to declaration of judges’ assets. What’s more, the apex court has advised to appeal against Delhi High court’s verdict in favour of inclusion of courts’ judges in RTI act. This opposition obviously creates doubt and confusion in public mind regarding transparency of judicial system. It’s not clear what stands in the way of SC’s not offering it self to be covered by this act.A positive stance in this respect would have brightened the image of judiciary in popular esteem. What’s a relieving feature is that some judges including the Chief Justice of India have come forward to post their assets in the website, though in many cases it’s been done in a perfunctory manner. May be, it’s a welcome gesture to begin with and other judges will follow suit. But still doubt exits as to how many judges will be inspired by this overture till disclosure of assets is made mandatory.

Millionaire(Jokes)!

(1)Bad for health!
A: Do you take your meal at hotel?
B: No. I don’t like eating at hotel.
A: To eat regularly at hotel is not good.
B:Yes, of course! Hotel boy delivers food at my home.

(2)Millionaire!
A: He’s now a millionaire!
B: Yes, he’s collected millions from air.
A: What does it mean?
B: He’s engaged in aircraft manufacturing business!
.

(3)Medical bill!
Q.A newly wed wife of a man working in a medical
insurance company fell ill.The man refused to pay
her medical bill.Can you say why?
Ans.As her illness existed before marriage!

Absence of human face

Road accidents are very common now a days. Not a day passes in kolkata without an accident. The moment an accident takes place, people gather from nowhere and the agitated crowd go on the rampage. They block roads, mount assault on the accused vehicle and sometimes set it on fire. They rush the injured to the hospital and extend all possible help as the situation demands. Despite perpetration of the violence, the story represents the human face of the city. What’s interesting, the opposite also happens in the same city. People are seen passing by a man who’s fallen ill at road side or some one knocked down by a bus bleeding profusely and groaning in pain. They don’t care to lend a helping hand to the victim . Moved by conscience some ends their duty by informing police of the incident and police seldom respond to such stray call or ignore the incident on the ploy that it’s not occurred in their jurisdiction. In recent past a number of such incidents have happened in this city and what’s most worrying they ‘re on the rise. However, thanks to the electronic media, they play the role of good Samaritans in many such cases. They telecast the incident to draw the attention of the administration and of public as well and it yields result. But all victims are not that fortunate as to engage the notice of the media in time and remain unattended for hours to die on the spot. Some people shield their guilty conscience by arguing that they refrain from helping the victim for fear of harassment by police. Isn’t the excuse too lame when saving of a man’s life is concerned?

Astrology(Jokes)!

(1)Astrology!
Astrologer: Your zodiac suggests soon you’ll
have a road accident.
Man: Can’t it be some how avoided?
Astrologer:No.But chance of your survival can
be enhanced.
Man: How?
Astrologer: It can be made that you’ll be run over
by an ambulance so that you can be rushed to
hospital immediately after accident!


(2)Second Attack!
A: How is his father? I’ve heard he’s survived
cardiac arrest and will be soon released from hospital.
B: Sad, he’s died to day!
A: Definitely of second attack!
B: Yes, the moment he heard the hospital bill he suffered
the second attack!


(3)Treating patient!
Patient: Doc, I’m under your treatment for a long time but
I’ve got no relief as yet!
Doctor: See, I treat the patient and not the disease!.

VIP Overnight!

Abducted OC
Sankrail OC abducted by Maoists and later freed in lieu of the release of their comrades on bail is now under CID scanner. Thanks to the media, particularly the electronic ones, OC
became hero over night. A private TV channel even went to the extent of inviting him to their Hallo VIP program.OC himself perhaps enjoyed being in the lime light and the center and hub of public attention all on a sudden. He might have totally forgotten that he was a police officer who was supposed to follow certain norms and code of conduct . Instead, he freely talked to press and gave live interviews to TV channels. He was so engrossed in his new found status he even failed to meet the family of his two subordinate cops who succumbed to Maoists’ bullets. Twice grilled by CID officers for long hours at Bhabani Bhaban perhaps now he’s awakened to reality!

Diamond(jokes)!

(1)For toilet!
In an examination hall an examinee asked the
invigilator, “May I go to toilet?”
“No” curtly replied the invigilator.
“ You let others go, why not me?’, enquired the examinee. “ As none of them did ask me”, said the
invigilator.

(2)Diamond!
Teacher “ Why does diamond cut diamond?”
Student, “ How can I say, sir? It’s the internal matter
of carbon family”.

(3) Consolation!
Wife: Would you marry again if I die?
Husband: Yes, as soon as possible to have one to
console me !

Hostage Episode

Siege of Rajdhani Express!
No body has ever imagined train journey could be as hazardous in a state
like West Bengal. Passengers in Bhubaneswar-Delhi Rajdhani Express would
perhaps never forget the ordeal they faced on October 27,2009.Some
may have the experience of robbery in train compartments or of other
hazards , but few can claim the passengers in the train were
held hostage for some time, mercifully not long. Perhaps holding all
the passengers in a train as hostage is a unique phenomenon and may be the
first of its kind in the history of Indian railways. However, for air passengers it’s more or less a common incident. It’s ill luck for TMC supremo who’s incidentally the Railway Minster, such an uncommon incident has taken place in her regime. She is known to have a strong reservation, if not hate, against the way the state’s being ruled by the present govt but what an irony of fate that it was the local administration that successfully helped put an end to the hostage episode!

Bed of Roses(jokes)!

(1)Too late!
Doctor: You’ve come in time or it would have
been too late!
Patient: Do I look seriously ill, doc?
Doctor: Oh no! Had you come here a bit late,
I would have gone out on call!

(2) Bed of roses!
Father: See my child, life’s not bed of roses!
Son: Thank God, life’s not so!
Father: Why do you say it?
Son: Were life bed of roses, we’d have been pierced
with thorns!

(3)Boxing ear!
Boy: Dad, I stood first in the class.
Dad: Very good! Who stood second?
Boy: Auntie!
Dad: Auntie?
Boy: Yes. I stood first as only I’d not done my home task
and then stood auntie to box my ears!

Visva Bharati

Little did Tagore know when he established a seat of learning at Santiniketan which is now known as Visva Bharati more than hundred years ago that his beloved institution would turn out to be a hot bed of tussle, turmoil and corruption in course of time. The ideals it once stood for is now a day dream! Corruption and malpractices now rule the roost. It’s gone to such a pass no less a personality than it’s Vice-Chancellor was apprehended on charge of corruption and put behind bars. There’s no administration worth the name and academic activities have relegated to back seat. Teaching and non-teaching personnel are almost always at loggerheads with the administration. What’s most unfortunate is the theft of Tagore’s Nobel Prize which couldn’t be traced even after CBI intervention. Theft was perpetrated definitely due to security lapses which subscribe to administrative laxity. More or less through out the year Visva Bharati is in news - of course, not for academic excellence but for unrest prevailing there for some reason or other.Visva Bharati is a central university and it’s not to face monetary constraints like other universities.
On the other hand, it gets facilities and financial assistance in abundance from Center. So it could have been a university of excellence and pride of our state. But unfortunately it has to be content with what it’s now!

Vice-versa(Jokes)!

A:Maoists have released OC.
B: Good news! I was afraid Maoists might
not release OC!
A: I too was worried. I thought OC might
not release Maoists!

(2)Dog’s death!
A: So sad! You’ve killed a new-born dog.
I told you not to wash the dog under the tap
for long.
B: Dog did not die due to wash. It died when
I tried to wring it dry!

(3)To err!
Master: Always remember to err is human!
Servant: Then why do you behave inhumanly
when I commit a mistake?
Master: Never mind! I do it only to demonstrate
to err is human!

Missing Cops!

Administration does not move unless prodded. Thanks to media, they help mobilize
public opinion and build public pressure on W.B govt to swing into action to retrieve
the hapless constables,Kanchan Garai and Sabir Ali lifted by Maoists three months
ago.Govt washed its hands off much earlier in this matter. Had not the Sankrail incident taken place, the names of the abducted victims would not have come to the fore again.However, chance of getting them back is remote as Maoists disown the responsibility of having abducted them, nor have they demanded anything of the govt in exchange of their release. What’s most worrying is that the chief opposition has already joined the fray to cash in on this issue and derive political mileage. However, the only consolation is that at least an attempt is made afresh to find the missing cops-the minimum respect and attention they deserve from the administration.

Next Day(jokes)!

(1)Next day!
Journalist: You’ve already made a name in humorous writing. How do you spend your day?
Writer: Normally, I get up at 9 in the morning and read news paper. Then I go to office. I’m back home right at 5pm and take rest. At 7 pm I go to club and be back home on dot at 10pm.
Journalist: Then you definitely get down to writing.
Writer: No. I take dinner, watch TV and go to bed.
Journalist: Then when do you write?
Writer: Why? Next day!

(2) Summer heat!
A: Recently, why do you come here late?
B:Now, I’ve to walk longer distance!
A: Have you changed your residence?
B: Oh no! Path has lengthened due to excessive
summer heat!

(3)Breathing trouble!
Patient: Doc, whenever I take breath, I feel hurt.
Doc: Try not to take breath at all!

Glaring Contrast!

It’s really heartening that Maoists released abducted OC Atindranath Dutta and he’s
back home. Many, particularly his family members heaved a sigh of relief.W.B Govt too
feel relieved, though it had to bow down to Maoists’ demand to release 24 tribals on bail. Following lifting of OC by Maoists, the atmosphere was so surcharged with emotion, particularly for electronic media vying with each other to beam time and again the hapless members of OC’s family with anxieties writ large on their tearful faces, that govt had perhaps no option but to get OC released at any cost. The abduction episode ended with a happy note.
However, in glaring contrast, two other cops Kanchan Garai and Sabir Ali of West Bengal Police, kidnapped three months back are not as lucky as Sankrail OC . No body knows where they are or if they are alive at all. Perhaps administration is not that eager to trace them. When they were lifted media made no hue and cry as they have done in OC’s instance. Thanks to Datta’s abduction, their names have surfaced again. Perhaps, with the passage of time they would be again effaced from public memory and only their nearest ones would keep waiting, perhaps in vain, for their return. Unfortunate!

Tolerance(jokes)

(1)Tolerance!
A: They can’t tolerate each other!
B: Definitely, both of them have magnetic personalities.
A: Why do you say so?
B: Because repulsion is the surer test of magnetism!

(2)Locating front!
A dog soaked in mud soiled a man’s cloth. The man
gave the dog a biscuit and started beating him with a stick. Some one asked him why he gave the dog a biscuit before beating it.’ To locate it’s hind legs, my friend’, irritatingly answered the man.

(2)Voice change!
In English grammar teaching class teacher asked a student ,’Change the voice-Rama killed Ravana’.
The boy repeated the sentence in shrilled voice and
asked,’Sir,shall I change my voice further?’.

Providence!

In late sixties and early seventies normally urban people and police fell prey to Naxalite bullets. It was primarily the urban youth, mostly educated, who spearheaded the movement. Now rural people and cops are the primary targets of the Maoists and area of operation is more or less rural based. The macabre story of storming the Sankrail P.S, killing of cops , lifting of O.C Atin Datta to make hostage and looting of the adjacent bank without any resistance worth the name has caught the administration unaware .Most pathetic is the mental state of Atin’s family who pleaded the Maoist leader to release him and waited upon the Chief minister to do something to get him back alive. Administration is also put on the spot. Any drastic action at this stage might harm the man kept as hostage and surrender to the Maoist’s demand of releasing their comrades is also a difficult proposition, particularly when Central govt’s has decided to intensify action against the Maoists. Under these circumstances nothing is left with Datta family except leaving Atin’s life to Providence.Interestingly,we’re yet to receive TMC Supremo’s reaction to such a ghastly incident. She ever played down Maoists’ threat in West Bengal and kept harping on withdrawal of joint forces at Lalgarh.

Polluted Diwali

Durga Puja passed off more or less peacefully with much less of sound
pollution from bursting of crackers and blaring of loudspeakers at pandal.
We felt assured that this trend will follow at Kali Puja too,particularly when police took strong initiative to curb the sound minace.In fact, police took certain measures like keeping vigil on sale of high decibel crackers and nabbed
many caught red handed while selling these forbidden items before Diwali.Plain
cloth police men were also deployed to catch hold of the offenders off guard.
PCB seemed confident that it must reach its goal to ensure a quieter Diwali this
year. But Diwali came with a bang shredding all expectations of public and PCB! All hell broke loose. Sound crossed the desired decibel levels almost everywhere with bursting of noisy crackers. Even hospitals were not spared. Chief minister had to intervene. But that too couldn’t dampen the spirit of the revelers including well placed and educated people.Sound assault continued undiminished. Isn’t it a sad story of lack of awareness and civic sense among a section of people irrespective of their social status and educational background?

Unceremonious!

Dravid’s Exclusion!
Rahul Dravid has been unceremoniously dropped from Indian team selected for ODIs against Australia despite his none-too-bad performances against Sri Lanka and in Champion trophy in South Africa. Rahul had no inkling that selector was going to write him off. He was neither consulted nor given any hints on this score. He’s a senior player,if not the senior most now, with more than ten thousands runs in ODIs to his credit expected minimum courtesy from the selectors. So he is shocked and surprised! But we people are shocked but not surprised at this unseemly behavior! We’ve seen how inhumanly and shabbily was treated Sourav Ganguli by the selectors and perhaps it has no parallel in the history of Cricket! Rahul might find solace that he’s not that unlucky.What’s most unfortunate such an ugly treatment was meted out to Sourav during his captaincy and he spared not a single word in protest!

Spirited(jokes)!

(1)Spirited!
A: I’ve never seen such a spirited man like him!
B: Pooh! He’s basically coward and out-and-out
an alcoholic.
A: Yes, for latter reason I call him spirited!

(2)Actual Age!
Some of his friends say he looks younger than
his age, some say older! He’s confused. Some
one advised him, 'Just make an accident,repoters
would tell your age'!

(3)Responsible!
A: You’re squarely responsible for what you’ve
done!
B: You’re wrong! I’m not squarely rather circularly
responsible as there’s a clear circular in my favour!

Happy Diwali!

I extend my good wishes to all on the auspicious
Occasion of Diwali.Let this festival of Light
dispel all darkness and enlighten every nook
and corner of our life!

Political Drama!

Drama, better call it a melodrama, enacted at Writers’ over TMC’s demand to arrest Chief minister and its fallout- a sudden road blockade brought thousands of people untold miseries in Kolkata and in districts as well. What’s more annoying is the follow-up programs, as announced by TMC, to take place in days to come. It’ll result in enormous disruption in our day-to-day life. What senseless political activities is TMC indulging in!. Electoral success has turned it’s head and it’s taken for granted they would enjoy similar political support in days ahead. In fact, those who advocated in favour of change in political power in Lok Sabha elections might think twice before Assembly elections if TMC doesn’t change it’s style of functioning. Even people who’re highly critical of present government might also feel scared that they would fall from frying pan to fire, if TMC comes to power. So it’s high time TMC leaders could pause and ponder how it could retain the popular support it enjoyed in last elections and see that wind of change doesn’t cease to blow!

Suicide-cum-murder(jokes)!

(1) Suicide-cum-homicide!
Man: Is it a case of suicide or murder?
Cop: Both!
Man: How?
Cop: He was depressed and felt like committing
suicide but couldn’t muster courage. So he
engaged a supari killer to end his life!

(2)Breakfast!
A: What do you take in your breakfast?
B: 1Kg of boiled milk, 3 half-boiled eggs,
half a dozen of bananas,12 pcs of buttered
toasts. This much and nothing else!
A: Well, it’s no ordinary breakfast!
B: Then?
A: It’s called ‘fast broken to pieces’!

(3)ATM service!
A: Just see, a Sarderji has thrown the ATM service out of the gear!
B; How?
A: When the machine asked for PIN, he took a pin
out of his turban and put it in to the slot!

Uncouth!

Nothing’s unfair in war. In West Bengal nothing’s unfair in words of war too. All decency and decorum have gone to the winds.Slangs and uncouth languages are used freely to vent rage and sometimes pride too by no lesser mortals than Central ministers, MPs and MLAs. Tolerance’s reached all time low and political ambience is vitiated as never before. In a democratic set-up differences of opinion are common among ruling and opposition parties, so are common the verbal duels but it must not cross the limit of decency, let alone border on vulgarity! If it does people must bring them to book and cut them to size by exercising their electoral power to restore a healthy democratic atmosphere. In fact what’s now going on does not fit in with the political, social and cultural heritage of the state!

Ill-advised(jokes)!

(1)Ill-advised!
To avoid Dengue and Malaria try to keep your
home and its surrounding as filthy as possible
because vector mosquitoes of these diseases
breed in clean water!

(2)World Cup!
Soccer fan: Will India ever participate in World
Cup Foot ball?
Astrologer:Oh,yes!
Fan: In which year?
Astrologer: In the leap year!

(3)Shutting mouth!
A constable was rebuking his son for poor result
in examinations. Son fished out a 50-rupee note
from his pocket and said,’Dad,take this note and
stop shouting’!

Nearer to Center!

TMC is an important partner of UPA government at the center.
It’s Chief holds a key portfolio as a cabinet minister of Railways.
It has a host of state ministers too. In electoral alliance in West Bengal
TMC supremo’s supposed to have the final say-even Congress High
Command dares not say to the contrary! Land acquisition bill too
has been shelved for her dissent .Interestingly, when such is the
position, she’s more slighted than honoured in other issues. If we look
back, we’ll see center out right turned down her proposal to give aid to Aila victims bypassing state government. She opposed deployment of
central forces at Lalgarh, but much to her discontent center did not oblige
her.On the contrary, center promised state all help to combat Maoists from
the very beginning. She looks upon Maoists’ issue as state govt’s ploy to divert popular attention from tribal upsurge at Lalgarh under the leadership of Chhatradhar Mahato.Center,however, considers Maoists are the biggest
internal threat to the country and should be seriously dealt with. She tried to
project Mahato as mass leader, but to Center he was a perpetrator of crime in
collusion with Maoists. So Mahato was arrested under UAPA and obviously it did not make her happy. Very recently, when she was crying herself hoarse demanding arrest of Chief minister and dismissal of state govt following disturbances at Arambagh,Chief minister was engaged in discussion with P.Chidambaram and Prime Minister at Delhi over various issues of the state including the Maoists. The discourses were fruitful and highly satisfactory, later claimed CM and derisively called TMC Chief’s demand a ‘juvenile disorder’! Apparently, does Center repose more confidence in CM than in TMC Supremo?
.

Brought to book(jokes)!

(1)Brought to book!
A: See, today I’ve brought your child to book!
B: You’ve done the impossible!
A: Why?
B: Whenever I try to make him sit down
with books, he runs away!

(2)Left and Right!
TMC: We’ve right to information!
Cong: The Left’s written off this right!
TMC: It’s right and left violation of
fundamental right!
Cong; Sans this right nothing is left!

(3)Bengali version!
Some one asked the famous writer Sibram
Chakraborty,’Have you read Vishnu Dey’s
recently published poem? ‘Oh no, is it’s
Bengali version available in the market?’,
quipped Sibram.

Senseless Killing!

The arrest of Chhatradhar Mahato and others under UAPA,whose connections with the Maoists are allegedly not yet conclusively established, has triggered mixed reactions .A small section of intellectuals, who went to Lalgarh prior to Mahato’s arrest to extend their support to PCPA movement, which they claim to be a mass upsurge against state’s prolonged injustice and neglect to the tribal there , find nothing wrong in their act. On the other hand, administration looks upon it as a cognizable offence as they think PCPA is connected with the Maoists’ outfit, a banned organization.TMC’s taken sides with the intellectuals and threatened administration of dire consequences if it tries to lay hands on them. The state’s rights activists too are vociferous against such arrests. However, amidst the cross currents of opinions murders continue unabated! No sensible person can support this ugly politics of murder and people in general demand those responsible for perpetrating such heinous crimes and pampering them in some way or other be brought to book!

Nobel Peace Prize!

Previously on many a occasion award of Nobel prize in peace turned out to be controversial,but its award to Obama would perhaps stand out as the most controversial one! To many it’s surprising and shocking, as never before this award has been so devalued as now. More promises than program to make nuke-free world during his short stint in Presidency have brought Obama this most prestigious award, as if it has been conferred upon him in anticipation that he would go ahead to fulfill his mission with all verve and zeal! This award might prove more embarrassing than encouraging to Obama!

Road Safety(jokes)!

(1)Road safety!
Man: Even in Road safety week, there’s no decline in accidents!
Cop: There’s no relation between accidents and
Road safety week!
Man: Why?
Cop: In Road safety week we only see to road’s
safety. We only keep watch on if road’s not damaged
by rash driving!

(2)Selfish!
Son: God helps only selfish people!
Dad: Who says?
Son: They say God helps those who help themselves!

(3)Peaceful procession!
A: They claim their procession was peaceful!
B: They might claim it, but how do you know
the procession was peaceful?
A: It’s very simple! Police lathi charged it .

Olympic 2016!

India’s reportedly keenly interested in hosting Olympic at New Delhi in 2016. Though nothing has been yet finalized, nor has Olympic committee awarded any green signal, many are still optimistic that India will do it. India’s the second largest population in the world, so it deserves the opportunity to hold Olympic on its soil, some argue. True, given the opportunity India might successfully hold the biggest sports events of the wolrd.But it’s also true India with its phenomenal human resources performs spectacularly bad almost in each and every Olympic compared to nations with much lesser population! So
simply based on human heads India can’t stake it’s claim to host the biggest
sports extravanza.It’s awfully sad why India can’t produce good athletes
like China notwithstanding its vast population. Nor can it do well in other
departments of the game either! So even if India’s given permission to hold Olympic games, would it look nice that a host country is placed only above a few nations from the bottom in medal winners’ tally?

Melt-down(jokes)!

(I)Melt-down!
Dad: Can you tell me the probable cause of global
melt-down, my boy?
Son: Dad, it’s most probably due to global warming!
(2)Free and fair poll!
Q.What do mean by free and fair election?
Ans.Election in which opposition wins!
(3)Gain from bandh!
Q.What is the net gain for general people from a bandh?
Ans.Congratulations from all political parties supporting
and opposing bandh!
(4)Gravity!
Man: You weigh more than you’ve claimed.
Lady: I’ve made no mis-statement, sir! It’s
due to lesser gravity. I weighed at metro station.

Manna Dey!

Nothing can be more heartening news to all music lovers than the
selection of Manna Dey for Dadasaheb Phalke award for 2007.In his
sprawling colourful musical career spanning almost sixty years he’s
been honoured with a host of awards.However,Manna Dey should have been given this most prestigious award much earlier! Dey’s now 90 and happily he’s still in pink of health and we wish he would remain as active as now for many years to come! But a question arises, though hypothetical and it sounds a discordant note, if Dey were not gifted with a long life, would he not miss this award that he strongly deserves? We should be content with ‘it’s better late than never or all’s well that ends well’!

Round about(jokes)!

(1)Lying!
Boss: I won’t take your lies lying down! I must
sack you.
Employee: Sir, I never lie. It’s my ill luck whatever
I say never proves true!
(2)Hard of hearing!
A loudly asked B,’Are you hard of hearing?’ ‘No.
I hardly hear’, protested B.’It’s all the same’, added
A ‘Not at all. I hear only when I like to’, snapped
back B.
(3)Reading between the lines!
Teacher: Read between the lines to realize the matter
properly.
Student: How is it possible, Sir?
Teacher: Why not?
Student: Nothing is written in the space between the
lines!

Mandatory working hours!

It’s unfortunate UGC is contemplating to assign fixed working hours
to full time university teachers. It would be 40 hours per week which includes mandatory physical presence for 5 hours on the campus each day. Incidentally, for college teachers the same period of working hours was introduced in the earlier pay commission(1996).
It should be kept in mind teaching job is different from other jobs. A teacher’s stay at place of work does not count his working hours.To prepare a lecture he has to do a lot of home work. In fact,for a one-hour lecture he
may have to work for 4 to 5 hours, if not, more. In other services, after
working hours one goes home and relax, but a teacher gets down to work
to get prepared for next day’s work. In universities apart from performing teaching job, a teacher has to supervise research work too. So, more often than not he may require to stay at the campus for longer period than what UGC's earmarked. Hoewever,it’s true a section of teachers take advantage of the present situation and fail to do proper justice to this noble profession by their habitual absenteeism and lack of sincerity. Though unfortunate, such people are present in all professions. What’s more unfortunate,UGC might
suggest, its action is aimed at reining in the activities of these truant academics!

Child-aged Mother(jokes)!

(1)Child of mother’s age!
Lady: Boy, how old is your mother?
Boy: She’s of my age!
Lady: Why are you joking? I’m asking you seriously!
Boy: I’m also telling you seriously! I’m her first
child.
Lady: So what?
Boy: She became mother when I was born!
(2)Doctor’s advice!
Patient:Doc, I can’t sleep at night!
Doctor: Then sleep by day!
(3)Financial constraint!
When I got married I was passing through severe
financial crisis. It was so much so, even on honey moon trip I didn’t bring my wife with me to save train fare!
(4)A busy businessman!
An extremely busy business man at a leisurely moment
matter-of-factly asked his lady secretary,’ Would you marry
me?’ ‘You'd married me only a few days ago’, told the baffled
lady.

Siliguri Mayor Election!

Many thought Siliguri Mayor election would end in a happy note for
TMC as it did at Sealdah and Bowbazar elections. Like in other instances,
it was expected, here too TMC and Congress would lock horns in their claim for the post of Mayor till Congress High Command intervened and gave her verdict in favour of TMC in the interest of Cong-TMC alliance that has spectacularly wreaked havoc in CPM bastions. But belying all speculations a new script was written for Siliguri.Even TMC supremo was not prepared for such a dramatic end. Nor did CPM think it would have an opportunity to give a jolt to Cong-TMC alliance.Congress bagged Mayorship with the support of Left! TMC has decided to sit in the opposition. This episode is likely to sour the relation between TMC and Congress. But only future will tell the extent of damage done!

Answering questions(jokes)!

(1)Absent since admission!
A: Sad, he could not take his university examination!
B: Why? Did he fall ill?
A:No.He could not remember which college he got
himself admitted to!
(2)Old age!
Q. What’s the perfect old age?
Ans. It’s the age at which you need whole night to
remember what you’ve done whole day!
(3)Gentleman!
Q.Who’s the perfect gentleman?
Ans.A man who lends a patient hearing to you but
can afford to immediately forget what you’ve said!
(4)Flying abroad!
Q.Who’s the first Indian woman to fly abroad?
Ans.Sita with Ravana!

Chhatradhar Mahato's Arrest!

There was a persistent demand from all sections of people, barring a few human right activists and a handful of intellectuals, for arrest of Chhatradhar Mahato. Mahato had had a free run at Lalgarh before joint forces could enter there.Lalgarh was then reduced to a free zone where there was no administration and police even dared not stir out of police stations. He took advantage of people’s poverty and lack of development in this area. After joint forces entered Lalgarh, his mass organization PCPA kept a low profile for some time but again started it’s activities in full swing . Mahato denied any relation with maoists and claimed PCPA an independent organization but, infact, it enjoys the full support of maoists.
Now Mahato’s arrest has triggered protest from human right activists as well as from a section of journalists. The former claims the way arrest was made, legal norms laid down by Supreme court were violated and the latter say it was unethical for police to nab one in guise of a journalist. Any way, Mahato’s arrest is a setback for PCPA.Let us see what happens in days to come!

Beggar(jokes)!

(1)Beggar!
Lady: You’re begging but you don’t look like a beggar. You rather look healthy and well fed!
Beggar: Madam, I won’t look sickly and under fed even if I like to!Beggars can’t be choosers!
(2)Marriage Proposal!
Man: My corepati widower dad likes you very much! I’m his only child. He’ll be happy if you marry me.
Woman: Sorry, I’ve already married your dad to make him happier!
(3)Stickler of grammar!
As a teacher of English, he was a stickler of grammar, particularly of punctuation. So when he died he first slipped into coma(comma) and then came the full stop in his life!
(4)Good Samaritan!
In a sunny winter morning an old man was lying on the road side. A passer-by asked him,’ How can I help you?’.'You can help me by simply not standing in between me and the sun’, replied the old man.

Vijaya!

Today’s Vijaya Dashami! We bid farewell to Ma Durga with a heavy heart! She’ll be back to her father-in-law’s house at Kailash .We’ll go back to our workaday life! A pall of gloom has descended all over!
Though today’s a sad day, it’s a day of rejoicing too! On this very day Rama killed Ravana-an embodiment of evil forces.So the day marks the triumph of good over evil. It’s a day of victory celebration!
On this auspicious occasion of Vijaya Dashami,I take the privilege to
extend my heartiest greetings to one and all!

Nightmarish Experience!

The way a host of girl students of Jogmaya devi college, kolkata, on their way back home from educational tour in Gurudev Express, were outrageously treated initially by drunken passengers and then by RPF men, has laid bare how unsafe is railway travel, particularly for women.Perhaps,this nightmarish incident would haunt the victims through out their lives. Their guardians too would never forget anxieties and agonies they helplessly suffered when they came to learn the awful plight of their daughters in moving train. Now guardians would perhaps think twice before sending their daughters on educational tour, though it’s part of the curriculam.However, public is yet to know what action railway authorities have taken against those offending security personnel and the passengers who misbehaved with the students or they are engaged in blame game-one department passing buck to another! Nor has the railway minister who’s supposed to have zero tolerance in such incidents yet reacted with vehemence as expected.

Durga Puja(jokes)

(1)Theme Puja!
A: This year our theme is Aila ravaged Sunderban.
See over there minister’s distributing relief materials
among the victims.
B: Wonderful! Everything has been so lively! But
where’s Ma Durga ?
A: Don’t be so silly. It’s theme puja!
(2)Joint venture!
A: Here I see the idol of Ma Durga only. Where’s
your pandal ?
B:Don’t worry, our idol’s water proof! You’ll find our pandal in the next para as ours is a joint venture puja-a new theme!
(3)Divine act!
‘See Ma Durga’s one leg is distinctly much longer than the other! It must be idol maker’s fault!’, one pandal hopper told the other.’No.It’s divine act. Ma can make one leg longer than the other if She so likes’, added a puja organizer perhaps in drunken state!
.

Sour relation!

Perhaps in no other state in India so strained is the relation between ruling party and the main opposition as it’s in West Bengal! Perhaps in no other state ruling party is so despised by the chief opposition! The hatred is to such an awful extent that its supremo is not in speaking terms with the chief minister and skips any all-party meet convened by him on any occasion, however important it may be, almost with religious righteousness. Other members of the party are so strictly instructed that they can’t even share a dais with any member of the ruling party. In case by mistake or perchance such a situation arises, one must immediately make amends, may it appear very odd or indecent.
Such a state of affairs is extremely unfortunate but it’s a reality. It stands in the way of development, whatsoever. Unless opposition helps the govt, state can’t progress. In healthy democratic set-up opposition should embark upon constructive criticism and resist govt from doing anything wrong. It must make people aware of administrative lapses and has dialogue with the govt to sort out those shortcomings.It’s our bad luck the present situation is far from ideal and perhaps it’ll spell doom for the state!

Smile again(jokes)!

(1)Life after death, again!
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: Definitely not!
Boss:Then,how did your uncle, for whose death
you could not come to office last week, meet me
to day morning?
(2)Warm motherly care!
A: Did you enjoy warm motherly care as claimed
by the private Airline?
B:Yes,it was sufficiently warm inside as most of the
AC machines were out of order and got motherly care
as airhostesses were more or less of mother’s age!
(3)Make one laugh!
Teacher: What makes you laugh?
Student: It’s you, sir!
Teacher: It’s me?
Student: Yes sir. How do you think I dare laugh in your
Class?
(4)Birthday bash!
On the 95th birthday of a man a youth said,” Hope,I’d attend your birth centenary too”.” Don’t say so, young man!Why do you think you won't live that long?.”, replied the old man.

Austerity

Austerity drive taken by union govt has had hardly any impact on masses.Image of political personalities in our country is generally very poor. India is the largest democracy in the world and here transfer of power from one political group to another takes place smoothly and peacefully unlike our neighboring countries. Ours is a democracy that is based on solid foundation and democratic values are deep rooted in our people’s psyche. But unfortunately, we’re as proud of our political system as we’re disgruntled with our politicians We always question their honesty and integrity and even 'politics' is sometimes used as a dirty word.However,in general corruption is now part and parcel of our life. Corrupt practices are not only confined to high places but they’re very common in every walk of life. So public look upon so called austerity measures adopted by govt as a ploy to divert their attention from serious issues like unprecedented price rise and drought. In other words the austerity move is nothing but unmitigated hypocrisy to hoodwink people!
.

So goes life(jokes)!

(1)Morning walk!
Son:Dad,don’t go in for morning walk on high ways.
Dad: Are you worried that I might be run over?
Son: Of course! But I’m more worried about something else.
Dad: What’s that?
Son: So early in the morning there’ll be fewer people to block the road in protest,in case you are run over!
(2)A bizarre ad!
An ad of a ceiling fan reads: The fan’s so built, apart from
giving you cool breeze it ensures you cent percent success in your attempt to commit suicide by hanging from any of it’s blades!
(3)Life after death!
Publication of Life magazine was stopped for a long time. But when it was published again a reader quipped,’Who says there’s no life
after death?’
(3) Praying for other’s life!
While jumping to death from a highrise a Sumo wrestler cried out,“May God save the man I’m going to land on”.

Fate of freight corridor!

In a remarkably short span of time Railway minister Mamata Banerjee has introduced a large number of trains, though mostly in Bengal, as promised in her budget.Perhaps,Bengal is given priority for political reasons keeping in mind assembly election in 2011.While making hurried implementation of her electoral promises, she’s subjected to adverse criticism from different circles, particularly from her political opponents. She’s alleged to have compromised on safety and security of railway travels. She’s also accused of making mess of spick and span metro services by prematurely opening the service on the extra stretch.
However, introduction of new trains or furtherance of passengers’ amenities can be done without hitch if railways so desire.But development of railway network by its territorial expansion would prove extremely difficult, if not impossible, for Mamata Banerjee as procurement of land based on her principle primarily envisages under no circumstances land can be acquired without consent of its owner and no cultivable land can be acquired. It’s highly improbable owners en bloc would give consent for acquisition of a long tract of land as in case of proposed freight corridor up to Dunkuni.In such cases, Mamata Banerjee’s land deal formula is put to acid test and it’s very likely such projects would never take off unless she changes her stance in land acquisition!

Other way round(jokes)!

(1)Good, bad and ugly!
Good: To spend somebody else’s money!
Bad: To spend one’s own money!
Ugly: To have one’s own money spent by somebody else!
(2)Rolling stone!
Patient:Doc,of late, I’ve gained much weight.
Doctor: Be always on the move. Don’t you know rolling
stone gathers no mass?
(3)Company!
A: Do you know I work in a reputed company?
B: Oh, it goes without saying!
A: Why?
B: Because a company’s known by the man it keeps!
(4)Highhandedness!
A:I don’t like his highhandedness!
B:He’s a decent man. He can’t be highhanded.
A: Then why does he raise his hand in every matter?

Private Tuition!

West Bengal government has conducted a survey on private tuitions at school levels.Survey reveals, as expected, private tuitions have proved indispensable to the students. In fact, students can’t think of going in for examinations without taking private coaching. Even the toppers admit they’ve taken tuitions in each and every subject and sometimes they’ve engaged more than one tutors in some subject. Pupils say tuition’s necessary for better understanding of the subject that help them make better performance in examinations. Guardians too don’t grudge spending on private tuitions to the best of their financial ability. Sometimes, they spend as much as 20% of their total monthly income.
The revelation’s sad but true. It’s sad because it puts a big question mark on the role of educational institutions vis-à-vis this parallel education or private tuitions. Salaries of teachers and non teaching staff have considerably increased, so now cores of rupees are spent to run these institions.That apart, students have scanty regard for teaching in schools as they have private tutors to bank upon. Perhaps, besides providing employments, these institutions have no significant role to play. Now things have come to such a pass, the present trend can in no way be reversed to make students more dependent on teaching in schools than on private tuitions. So government is likely to wash its hands of this matter and let the situation drift in its own course!

Puzzle(jokes)!

(1)Chance to win!
A: In a competitive feat the earlier you lag behind the better is your chance to
win.
B:Why?
A: Because you’ll have more time to catch up with others!
(2)Sanity!
A: You’re intelligent enough to realize that you’re a fool!
B:Are you not quite sane to feel that you’re insane?
(3)Homesick!
A: You always say you’re homesick but you seldom go home!
B :In fact, I’m sick of home!
(4)Looking down!
A: He looks down upon me!
B:Why? Have you done him wrong?
A:No.He’s much taller than me!
(5)Higher studies!
A: Travels help me in higher studies!
B:How?
A: Whenever I travel I keep reading books.
B:How is it related with higher studies?
A: Whenever I travel, I travel by air!

Siliguri Corporation Election!

LF’s losing spree, that started in a big way ever since LS polls, is continuing unabated. Now it’s fared badly in Siliguri Corporation election too. It’s bagged only 17 seats out of 47.Cong and TMC combine will form the board.However,it’s no denying the fact L.F govt has done a lot for the development of Siliguri.It’s now the second most important commercial hub next to Kolkata.Those who were in Siliguri in early seventies would feel if it were the place they once stayed! Such is the change the place’s undergone in couple of years. True, compared with other places development of Siliguri is remarkably noticeable but there’re essential areas like domestic water supply, under ground sewerage system etc that demand proper attention and implementation.Any way, development issue is unlikely to attribute to LF’s poll debacle.Perhaps what has played the pivotal role is anti-incumbency factor coupled with the wind of change now blowing across the state.Interestingly,corporation seats are now almost equally shared by TMC, Congress and CPM!

Different Strokes(jokes)!

(1)V-day stroke!
On V-day to show his friends that he too has a girl friend
the boy waved his hand at an unknown girl who was standing
on a verandah.The girl flew into rage and showed the boy her
chappal.'Why is your girl friend showing you her shoe?
enquired his friends.'She's asking me to wait at a near-by shoe store'
retorted the boy unashamed.
(2)Half drunk!
Wife: Shame on you, you’ve come home half-drunk at midnight!
Husband: Excuse me, darling, I ran short of money.
(3)Childish!
Child: Mom, I offered a lady to sit in my place in a crowded bus.
Mom: You did right, my son. I’m proud of you.
Child: But the lady became very angry with me.
Mom: Shame on her! But why did she get so angry?
Child: I can’t say, I was seated on father’s lap!
(4)Match fixing!
Father: Can you tell my son what’s meant by match fixing?
Son: Yes dad. It means selecting a bride or groom.
(5)For a working Bride!
An ad in a matrimonial column of a news paper reads: A man is in
need of a woman in deed.

Sachin's hero,Sourav a tragic hero!

India defeated Sri Lanka and won Compaq cup tri-series.Sachin’s magic continues. He’s made his 44th tons in ODIs.Perhaps, he’s many more tons in store in days to come,may it be half century of centuries, if not more. After all,Sachin’s Sachin.He’s no parallel!
Of trio Sachin-Sourav-Rahul,who’re more or less of same age,Sachin’s a living legend, Sourav a tragic hero and Rahul deserves no special mention apart from being an excellent cricketer.Sourav’s the most shabbily treated cricketer the cricket world has ever seen. Again, he’ll be remembered for all time to come for his legendary come-back.In that sense he too claims to be a legend in Indian cricket.Sourav tendered his resignation from international cricket well in time, otherwise,he would have been more humiliated. Of course, we wish we could see him continue to play till now like Sachin and Rahul.Perhaps, those floating viewers who remained glued to TV sets to see Sourav play international crickets have lost interest in crickets.

Unquotable quotes(jokes)!

(1)Learn to earn!
Normally, the more you learn, the less you earn. So learn how to earn!

(2)Honesty!
Honesty’s the last resort of those who can’t afford to be dishonest!

(3)Honesty again!
Honesty’s the beast’s policy. It’s rare among humans!

(4)Reading habit!
Reading is one of the bad habits man has ever had!
It influences your thoughts,tempts you to copy one's ideas
and ultimately strips you of your originality!
,


(5)Moral values!
To maintain a high standard of living one’s to maintain a
standard of leaving some moral values!


(6)Man’s mortal!
Happily, man’s mortal! Had it been otherwise, world would have
been a terribly bad place to live in!


(7)Choice of parents!
To avoid genetically transmitted diseases chose your parents
before your birth!

Camouflage!

A private Bengali TV channel(Tara newz) held unusually long discussion today on Chief minister Buddhadev Bhattacharyya’s 'mental depression' ,though there's no official information to this effect. The Channel seemed to be too much concerned about CM but panelists it invited for discussion betrayed the actual purpose of the programme.The main aim of the discussion was to lash out at LF govt,particularly CPM and CM's mental state was only a ploy! What's more, there was no one from ruling party participating in the discussion. Such discourses are apt to be partisan and in fact, they were. Most of the regional electronic media behave like party mouth pieces and lost their credibility as news channels to those who like to have unbiased presentation and interpretation of news items. It’s really unfortunate!

Smile(jokes)!

(1)Hypothetical!
A:He fell from a very high-rise building.He took as many as three days to reach the ground and died during fall.Can you say why he died?
B:Very simple!He died out of fear.
A:No.He died because of lack of food and water!

(2)Shopping phobia!
Employee:Boss,tomorrow I shall take a day off.
Boss:Why?
Employee:I'm to accompany my wife for puja shopping.
Boss:Sorry,I can't spare you tomorrow.
Employee:Boss,you're ever kind to me!

(3)Post-marital!
Finding a mouse at his marriage party the tiger roared,
'Being a mouse how dare you come here?'.
'I was a tiger too before my marriage',snapped back mouse.

(4)Queen's English!
Father:My son, you've twice failed in English.Try hard this time!
Son:Dad,don't worry.I must hardly try this time.

Abnormal price -hike!

Perhaps we people've been more tolerant than before. Now big issues fail to stir us. To be precise, sky rocketing prices of essential commodities have affected us in a big way but we seem to have got accustomed to it! We grudge and grumble but hardly think of reacting vehemently to this abnormal price hike. Those working in public sector are a fortunate lot who can cope with this adverse situation, at least partially, by their occasional rise in dearness allowances. But think of vast majority of people who work in unorganized sector! It's difficult to imagine how they make both ends meet.Perhaps, they’ve resigned to fate and think what's lotted can't be blotted. Political parties, on the other hand, hardly consider it an issue to protest against. They’ve their own stakes to give priorities to.West Bengal Government’s stray and half hearted efforts to give relief to people have obviously failed to yield satisfactory results.See, what more is in store for us in days to come!

Laughing-stock(jokes)!

(1)
Coverage!
A: See, of late, this news paper has decreased it's coverage but increased it's price.
B:I don't think so.
A: Earlier with a day's paper I could cover all the shelves of my almirah but now I can't
(2)
Manhole!
A: How is your sister?
B: Awfully bad! She's fallen into a manhole.
A: What? Is she still there?
B: Yes,I mean she's fallen in love with a very bad guy!
(3)
Capitation fees!
Guardian: Sir, how much capitation fees am I to pay for admission of my child?
Headmaster: Rs.30, 000.0 only.
Guardian: Sir, it's too high, why don't you call it decapitation fees?
(4)
Marriage registration!
Sardarji was minutely reading his marriage registration certificate.’ What are you looking for in the certificate?’, asked his wife.’ Expiry date, my darling’, replied Sardarji.
(5)
Bookshelf!
'Can't you have a bookshelf?’, asked a man pointing at the books lying scattered on the floor in Mark Twain's room.
'I can't have the bookshelf the way I've had the books’, quipped Twain.

Freedom of expression

Freedom of speech is our fundamental right and any attempt to infringe it is looked upon as unconstitutional, undemocratic, and uncivilized act. On many a occasion judiciary has come forward to protect this right as Supreme court has very recently done by lifting ban on Jaswant Singh's book on Jinnha, for which he was expelled from BJP.Ban on the book was imposed by Gujarat government primarily alleging that Sarder Patel, the most revered personality of the state, was shown in poor light in the book. Supreme Court’s verdict is a fitting reply to Modi Government’s autocratic attempt to gag the voice of democracy.However, it should be noted freedom of expression does not necessarily empowers an individual to write or say anything he likes. If his utterances or writings are detrimental to our society or pose threat to our social unity, government must rein in such activities. But this threat perception is relative and in many cases triggers controversies. Happily, court verdicts in most of the fundamental right cases are acceptable to the sensible and well meaning section of the society.

It's life(jokes)!

(1)Philosophical!
"Come in or you'll fall down”, said a passenger to a drunk traveling on the foot board of a speeding bus.” Do you know me?”, enquired the man.” What on earth makes you think I'd know a man like you”, retorted the infuriated passenger.” Then how do you say it's I who might fall down”, calmly asked the man.
(2)Aiding the ad!
A: See, only after a single wash my shirt's faded!
B:You must have washed it with some 'colour-guard' detergent.
A:Yes.
B:Then your shirt's not actually faded, its original colour stands 'guarded' after wash!
(3)Humorous!
Doctor: Try to be always in good humour.
Patient: Doc, it’s a good humour, in deed!
(4)Image!
A:He has a clean image, but in reality he's a very dirty guy!
B:No wonder, inverted image is the real image!
(5)Leg-pull!
A: You’re the most intelligent man I've ever seen!
B: No.You’re more intelligent than me.
A: Why?
B: Because you've assessed my intelligence!
(6)Keeping Company!
A:A man's known by the company he keeps.
B:Yes, of course!
A: What do you think about woman?
B:A woman's known by the company she keeps away from.

Last nail in the coffin!

It's the worst of time for Bengal. Developmental work's come to a halt. One project after another fail to take off. Global meltdown has added fuel to fire. Who knew Singur would be the beginning of an end of industrialization in the state? Few could ever guess even in the wildest imagination that a near complete automobile factory that could boast of offering the cheapest-ever car to the world would never see the light of the day. Now come the unkindest cut of all- the death knell of IT hubs that could give employments to thousands of youths in our state. It’s no use delving into blame game. Nor it's useful to single out who deprived our state of what it could be. It would only add to bitterness and bickering. Let us pray this bad patch of time would soon blow over and good sense would dawn on all concerned in the interest of the state.

Marriage(jokes)!

(1)
Carried in the carriage of courage he tried to get married. But his marriage remained a mirage for good.However; they said it was for his good! Who are they?
(2)
A: Why have you not still married?
B: Because I've decided to take no dowry or gift in marriage.
A: Nonsense! It’s no problem at all. Marry without dowry or gift.
B: But I'm a Hindu.
A: So what?
B: In Hindu marriage bride's gifted to groom.
(3)
A: How long will you sail in your bachelorship?
B: Still it's not wrecked on a permanent wave!
(4)
Wife: At the time of our marriage you looked so handsome! Beside you I looked quite ordinary!
Husband: As love's blind, I couldn't notice it!
(5)
Q. If love's blind and marriage's an eye opener, then what's extramarital love?
Ans. Partial blindness!
(6)
Wife: If somebody abducts me in your presnce, what’ll you do?
Husband: Simply nothing!
Wife: Why?
Husband: Because abductor would soon realise what mistake he's done and return you to me!

Reddy's death!

YS Rajsekhara Reddy, chief minister of Andhra Pradesh, was killed in chopper crash. His death is most unfortunate and a great loss to the people of his state and to Congress party as well. Admittedly, such chopper or plane crashes might take place despite taking all precautionary measures. But what about those who, unable to bear the shock of Reddy's death, committed suicide or died of heart attack? These people are too emotional and they’re more guided by impulse than by rationale. Their deaths are perhaps more unfortunate and pathetic than Reddy’s.Incidentally,when Tamil Nadu chief minister MG Ramachandran died, though it was a natural death after protracted illness, there was a suicide galore too. South Indians seem to be more prone to such impulsive acts than others. However, very recently, when transport minister Subhas Chakraborty died in Bengal, there was a sea of humanity following his hearse and many common people were found to weep inconsolably, so was his popularity. But no case of suicide or heart attack was reported though Bengalis are said to be emotional by nature.Perhaps, Bengalis are more rational than emotional. Now it’s the task of the psychologists to explain why this ethnic difference in human reaction to tragic incidents is!

Political(jokes)!

Poll-vault!
Journalist: Have you filled in your nomination form in the coming poll?
Leader: Yes, of course!
Journalist: From which party are you contesting?
Leader: Excuse me, I can’t exactly remember it. Better ask my PA.

Once in a blue moon!
Voter: You’re asking for vote, but in last five years I’ve not seen you once!
Candidate: What can I do if government lasts so long?

Sitting MP!
Dad: Don’t you know he’s a sitting MP?
Son: Yes dad, he’s never been seen to stand up to say any thing in parliament!

Last resort!
Son: They say politics is the last resort of the scoundrels!
Dad: Entirely wrong, my son.
Son: Why dad?
Dad: Scoundrels are not that fool to make politics the last resort. They make it the first resort!

Promising!
Son:Dad,he’s becoming a promising politician..
Dad:Certainly,he’s started promising people to do many things which he’d never do!

Land deal

Little did Thakur Ramkrishna know when he said,’ Taka mati,mati taka(money’s soil, soil’s money)to convey his nonchalant attitude to money that it would mean to many ‘money’s land, land’s money’. This mundane concept breeds dishonest practices almost every where. Most of the land deals, particularly on large scale, invariably involve corruption. Now free and fare land deal is an unheard-of phenomenon. But you can’t avoid procurement of land for developmental purposes. If entire business is left to private hands, malpractices multiply manifold. That doesn’t necessarily mean land deal handled by government is free from corruption. Any way, land episode at Vedic village or Rajarhat that’s kicked off a row is only tip of the iceberg!

In lighter vein(jokes)!

(1)
Teacher: Why do you keep standing?
Student:Sir,seated I can’t follow what you say. All goes over my head.
Teacher:Well,then stand up on the bench to follow me better!
(2)
Patient:Doc, whenever I go to sleep, I’m awakened by bad dreams!
Doctor: In the first place try not to dream. If you fail, try not to sleep!
(3)
A:To avoid infection, I keep my brush, razor and a small mirror dipped in dettol water.
B:But why mirror?
A:Simple,to avoid getting my image tarnished!
(4)
Teacher: Prize your character high because character once lost is lost for ever!
Student:Sir,don’t be afraid, only those with loose character are prone to losing it.
(5
He tried to bell the CAT, but failed. He couldn’t connect NET either. Nor could he
crash GATE.He’s left with a clean SLET.He’s in such a sorry state!
(6)
True, failures are the pillar of success. The biggest failure is the inability to foresee
how many failures will make the pillar
! (7)
Many who used to sit in the last benches in their school and college days, now sit in their
own Mercedes Benzes.
(8)
A: Do bull work to get rid of your excess fat.
B:But what’s bull work?
A: It’s simple! Tease a street bull, let it chase you for some time and that’s all.
(9)
Buyer: This 3 rd floor flat without lift facility would pose a problem at my old age!
Promoter: Don’t worry,sir.By the time you get old, ground floor will go under ground!
(10)
A: I’m too busy to attend to my phone calls.
B:Then have a call girl.
A: What nonsense! A call girl?
B:Yes, a call girl who’ll take and make calls for you.