In lighter vein(jokes)!

(1)
Teacher: Why do you keep standing?
Student:Sir,seated I can’t follow what you say. All goes over my head.
Teacher:Well,then stand up on the bench to follow me better!
(2)
Patient:Doc, whenever I go to sleep, I’m awakened by bad dreams!
Doctor: In the first place try not to dream. If you fail, try not to sleep!
(3)
A:To avoid infection, I keep my brush, razor and a small mirror dipped in dettol water.
B:But why mirror?
A:Simple,to avoid getting my image tarnished!
(4)
Teacher: Prize your character high because character once lost is lost for ever!
Student:Sir,don’t be afraid, only those with loose character are prone to losing it.
(5
He tried to bell the CAT, but failed. He couldn’t connect NET either. Nor could he
crash GATE.He’s left with a clean SLET.He’s in such a sorry state!
(6)
True, failures are the pillar of success. The biggest failure is the inability to foresee
how many failures will make the pillar
! (7)
Many who used to sit in the last benches in their school and college days, now sit in their
own Mercedes Benzes.
(8)
A: Do bull work to get rid of your excess fat.
B:But what’s bull work?
A: It’s simple! Tease a street bull, let it chase you for some time and that’s all.
(9)
Buyer: This 3 rd floor flat without lift facility would pose a problem at my old age!
Promoter: Don’t worry,sir.By the time you get old, ground floor will go under ground!
(10)
A: I’m too busy to attend to my phone calls.
B:Then have a call girl.
A: What nonsense! A call girl?
B:Yes, a call girl who’ll take and make calls for you.