Remembering Victims' Families!

26/11 Tragedy!
Public memory’s short, govt’s memory’s probably shorter. During any disaster, natural or man made, govt normally make promises to offer relief or compensation to the next of kin of the victims. Central govt made such promises to the victims’ families of 26/11 macabre incident. But unfortunately , many of the victims’ relatives are yet to receive the promised compensation. While whole nation was busy paying tribute to the 26/11 victims, Advani was locked in unseemly spat with Pranab Mukherjee over this issue in Lok Sabha. He placed the statistics regarding how many of the victims’ relatives entitled to get relief are running from pillar to post. Our heart rightly bleeds for those who died and should also feel for those who’re alive with the saddest ever memory of their dearest ones!

Industry at Nano-site!

When BHEL visited Singur for establishing a power project at the ill fated site
where Tata’s Nano project died an unnatural death and later came back to life at Gujarat, people there and govt as well were a bit elated. Before BHEL’s visit Didi had been nowhere near the scene. But now she bounced back with her old demand of returning 400 acres of land to the so-called unwilling farmers, though she was well aware that not an inch of land could be returned to the original owner under the existing law. That apart, her much hyped ‘400 acre’ is a myth. In reality 85% of farmers have taken money for their land that amounts to roughly 850 acres.So land belonging to ‘unwilling farmers’ stands at only 150 acres. Incidentally,Didi’s reportedly expressed her willingness to have a railway project in collaboration with state govt on 600 acre of land on the same site, though she’s not yet formally communicated it to the state govt.Fortunately for BHEL, it’s presently declined to make its power project here, otherwise it might ultimately have the same fate as Tata’s, thanks to Didi’s spanner!

Bank loan(Jokes)!

(1)Bank loan!
Son: Dad, why did bank’s loan recovery agent lift
Ram babu’s son-in-law?
Dad: It’s very simple, my boy! Ram babu took bank loan to pay huge dowry to Shyam babu to get(buy) his son as son-in-law but unfortunately failed to repay it!

(2)Film Stars!
A: Of film stars and cricket stars who do you think
deserve higher status?
B: Obviously film stars!
A: Why ?
B: As a film star can purchase cricket stars ( Shahrukh Khan in IPL).

(3)Answer script!
A: See, university’s bound to show you answer script
on demand!
B: It’s of no use to me.
A: Why ?
B: University won’t allow my private tutor to accompany
me!

Remembering 26/11

On 26/11,2008 nation awakened to gunshots and witnessed the grimmest ever terrorist
attack India had faced.It’s still fresh in our memory and this macabre incident shall never cease to haunt those who lost their near and dear ones to terrorists’ bullets. We’ve paid tribute to the departed souls with befitting dignity across the country. Though public memory’s proverbially short, we would try to ever remember those ill fated victims of terrorism.Terrorism is a global phenomenon and countries those sponsor terrorism now themselves have become it’s prey.So on this very day we should all vow to condemn terrorism and violence in any form and unitedly stand against this formidable menace!

Promoter(Jokes)!

(1)Promoter!
Son: Dad, I’ve heard some people demolished an old
mosque at Ayodhya.Were they deployed by promoters?
Dad: Yes, my son. They were deployed by promoters of
communalism!

(2)Stickler of Grammar!
Teacher: He put his best foot forward to do it!
Student: Sir, is he a man or animal?
Teacher: Why do you ask it?
Student: You’ve said ‘best foot’.
Teacher: What’s wrong in it?
Student: Man’s two feet only!

(3)Taking to task!
A: He goes to school without his home task done
and is punished.
B: His parents should see to it!
A: His dad chides him but can’t take him to task!

Liberhan Report

Clamour over leakage of Liberhan Commission’s report has almost died down and now it’s contents have engaged people’s attention. Report’s claim that the demolition of Babri Masjid was not triggered by sudden mass frenzy and it was the outcome of premeditated and well planned move was any body’s guess. What’s shocking and surprising is alleged involvement of Atalbehari Bajpayee in the move. Though connected with Sangh Parivar, Bajpayee’s looked upon and revered as a person with liberal outlook and secular mindset. He’s acceptable even to those who don’t share the political ideology of BJP.In electoral fray,BJP too cashed in on his so called clean image and it paid them dividend . So inclusion of his name in the report is really unfortunate!Liberhan sprang another surprise in his report by exonerating the then Prime Minster P.V.Narasingh Rao, which seems unbelievable! Though time’s taken much of its sheen, still the Liberhan report deserves due attention.

Running Water(jokes)!

(1)Running water!
A: In our hotel we’d no running water, rather we’d to
run after water!
B: But at our holiday home water ran after us!
A: How lucky you were!
B: Not at all.
A: Why?
B: Our room was flooded when it rained!

(2)Longer life!
Doctor: Why have you come to me so late?
Patient: Because I wished to live longer!

(3)Smiles!
Q. Why have many of us forgotten ‘smiles’?
Ans. As it’s the longest word in English where
two ‘S’es are separated by a mile!

Misuse of Power

Power is apt to corrupt an individual and political parties are no exception. Imagine the extent of corruption, nepotism, despotism and other vices are likely to be ingrained in a party or a front that is in power for inordinately long period. One will rather wonder if any thing to the contrary happens. So change of power at a regular interval is welcome in democracy. But if the replacement proves worse than the earlier one, people will be in quandary .In Bengal it’s no wonder public mood should swing in favour of change after prolonged LF rule. But the way TMC supremo, immediately after assuming office as Railway minister, felicitated a handpicked intellectuals who almost directly campaigned for her in LS polls and awarded them Railway Golden passes in a function of Railways did not send a good signal to well meaning people. Not only that, she’s reportedly employed many of the above noted celebrities in different Railway committees with handsome pay and perks. If right now she starts distributing largesse among her favourites,what she’ll do after getting full power of the state is easily conceivable.Perhaps,she’ll do in much shorter time what LF could do in so many years!

Sheep(jokes)!

(1)Given out!
Q. The batsman hit the ball and started running. Before
he could reach the crease, a fielder pushed the ball with
leg and it hit the stumps. Umpire gave him out. What ‘out’
was he given?
Ans. Kick out!

(2)Evicted!
A: Landlord has asked him to vacate the flat.
B: Hasn’t he paid rent in time?
A: No.
B: Then?
A: As each month he awakened landlord on dot at 12 night
to pay rent just in time!

(3)Sheep!
A: Whom do you envy most?
B: A sheep!
A: But what on earth makes you envy a sheep?
B: Because it wears cent percent pure wool!

Disciplining The Govt Employees

Bengal govt’s taken a fresh drive to enforce timely attendance and departure
at its offices.However, on earlier occasion too it took similar drive that miserably
failed for lack of sustained efforts. A determined and continued endeavor is bound to yield result. Long accustomed to coming late and going early employees are likely to initially grumble about the administration’s attempt to change this old habit but ultimately they’ll respond favorably to the present move to bring discipline in govt offices. That apart, an employee can’t defy this legitimate govt circular regarding their attendance. It may be pointed out timely attendance doesn’t necessarily mean office works are done in time. To ensure files are duly moved and follow-up actions taken, constant vigil by officer in charge concerned is necessary. To restore order after a long period of disorderliness is quite a tough job and it will take time. It’s no denying the fact this knee jerk move to establish work culture with a view to refurbishing govt’s image is a fall out of miserable electoral reverses LF suffered, but nevertheless it must receive overwhelming popular support across the state . However, there’s a lurking suspicion that if not this move might again reduce to a nine days’ wonder as on earlier occasion!

LAD(jokes)!

(1)MPLAD!
Son: Dad, will not the MP’s outburst of rage over
expenditure of local area development(LAD) money
affect TMC’s image?
Dad: May be, but not in a big way!
Son: Why?
Dad: As this development is confined to local area only!

(2)Not reachable!
A: He’s elevated his status to such a height, you can’t
reach there.
B: Who told you?
A: Whenever I try to contact him over phone ,his lady secretary says, ‘He’s not reachable’!

(3)Smoking!
A: Cigarette smoking becomes increasingly expensive!
B :Then give up smoking!
A: No. I’d rather ask the passive smokers to contribute
to my smoking expenses!

MP's Lad!

Whose lad he is? MP’s or of those who’ve made him an MP by their hard labour? It’s a pertinent question! An MP’s not born, he’s made. It’s no wonder, the MP makers(local leaders and party activists)can also claim to be the custodian of the lad referred to as MPLAD.To rear a lad money is required and it’s called MPLAD fund. So an MP and his makers are jointly the custodian of the fund. That apart MP’s alone and makers are many, so in democracy their say in how the fund will be spent to rear the lad is final.MP can’t impose his will on their say .In fact what’s more democratic is entire fund be handed over to them and they’ll use it in their own way, what they think is lad's ‘benefit’. Again, as they render service to the lad, they can rightly claim a portion of the fund as service charge. What’s wrong in it? Some MPs have started clamoring over so simple and innocent a matter. Nonsense!

Thackeray's Tirade

Bal Thackeray’s tirade against Sachin’s remark that Mumbai is for all Indians and he’s first an Indian and then a Maharashtrian is nothing surprising. Thackeray has the dubious distinction of hogging the limelight by making such controversial comments. He did it many times in the past. But what Sachin has said is really encouraging and worth emulating! It invokes a sense of national integration and sends a fitting reply to all secessionist forces those are gaining ground in some parts of our country. All sensible and well meaning people will stand by Sachin and condemn Thackeray in no uncertain term!.

Stay Healthy!

Medical treatment has now become pretty costly and it’s beyond the reach of many. A treatment involves doctor’s fees, cost of medicines and medical investigations, each of which is getting increasingly dearer day by day .But diseases won’t take into account all these odds and pounce upon you whenever opportunity comes aided and abetted by environmental pollution. That apart there’re some genetically transmitted and life style diseases like diabetes, hypertension and cardiac ailments and so on. India would soon enjoy the dubious distinction of being the world capital of diabetes and cardio vascular diseases. So many have to cough up a chunk of their income for medical expenses. Doctors advise, of course it’s doubtful how many doctors follow their own advice, regular exercise and lifestyle modification could help prevent or delay the on set of these diseases. Unfortunately, very few pay heed to such healthy suggestions to be healthy, if not wealthy and wise! Perhaps, they wish they could choose their parents before their birth in stead of going in for hard task like regular exercise and life style modification! Parents employ host of private tutors in different subjects for their wards and ask them to study seriously with religious regularity. But how many of them ask their children to do physical exercise regularly and employ an instructor to supervise it? Certainly, they are microcoscopic minority! Mind, now most jobs are stressful and in the age of liberalization world has been highly competitive. So sans sound health and mind one won’t survive. Be aware!

Score Card(jokes)!

(1) Score Card!
Dad: Where’s your score card, my child?
Child: I’ve given it to my friend.
Dad: Why?
Child: He’s taken it to scare his parents!

(2)Rail-link!
A: Soon bus services would get beating!
B: Why?
A: As Didi’s decided to connect all places
by railways.

(3) Driver!
A: See, I’m looking for a driver!
B: Have you purchased a car?
A: No. I’ve bought a motorcycle!

To Bengal Chief Minister!

Given the unrelenting mood of the electorate, perhaps triggered by the anti-incumbency factors coupled with some formidable mistakes made, it’s more
or less certain L.F govt is going to lose out to TMC-Cong alliance in 2011
Assembly poll. So Buddhadev Bhattacherjee has nothing more to lose if he
takes some hard decisions right now in governance of the state. First of all he should purge corrupt and unwanted elements from his party mercilessly. Secondly, he should deal with the law and order problem, whoever are responsible for it, with iron hand.Third,he should try hard to implement the projects he deems beneficial to our state even in the teeth of stiff resistance of the opposition. Fourth, he must implement his long standing Do-it-Now program at govt offices even if he has to go in for confrontations with the unions. In short, he must shun appeasement policy at all levels and stop playing to the gallery with an eye to the vote bank.

Rally(jokes)!

(1)Rally!
Man: Why do you make rallies on working days?
Politician: Why should the rally participants work on holidays?

(2)Metro Suicide!
A: See, after Didi’s become Railway minister, metro rail services
are often disrupted due to suicides!
B: Perhaps CPM activists are often committing suicides to disrupt metro rail services!


(3)Birth day!
One day a beggar who daily begged for rice, asked for cakes.
‘ Why do you ask for cake in stead of rice today?’, asked
a man.’ Today’s my birthday’, replied the beggar.

Fait Accompli!

Now it’s almost a fait accompli that Left Front will lose power in 2011 Assembly poll, provided Mamata Banerjee makes no Himalayan blunder in the mean time. Now the
question arises what LF will do in the intervening period. Will it step down and seek fresh mandate to sit in opposition or continue as usual till 2011?.It’s to be noted Central govt is in no mood to promulgate President’s rule in the state, which might go to LF’s advantage, particularly when public mood is unrelentingly against the present govt. Naturally, it’ll let the govt collapse on its own. Under the present circumstances a govt with such sagging morale can’t function properly. As a result all developmental activities might virtually stop, violence and lawlessness awfully rise and all blame would be squarely laid on govt by the opposition. So some suggest in the party that it’s prudent for the Left to call it quits. However, party has decided not to surrender power now, what might be in store for it in Assembly poll in 2011!It argues, to quit now will be betrayal to people who gave overwhelming mandate in its favour to stay in power full term.

Passive Smoking(jokes)!

(1)Cold drink!
A: He’s very fond of cold drink!
B: What’s wrong in it?
A: He often gets drunk!
B : How does a cold drink make him drunk?
A :Because he likes cold hard drinks!

(2)Passive smoking!
A: It’s for passive smokers that I’ve given up
smoking!
B: Thanks! You really feel for them.
A: Not that! I can’t tolerate them smoking passively at
my cost!

(3)Beggar!
‘ Why do you come here for food daily? Can’t you try elsewhere?’,
the man asked the beggar.
‘ I can’t stand the spicy food served elsewhere’, snapped back
the beggar.

Letter to the Editor,TOI

Mamata’s Success!

It’s rarely seen that one can achieve spectacular success by playing a negative role like Mamata Banerjee.To oppose the govt tooth and nail in every respect even at the cost of state’s interest and keep spewing venom on CPM are the essence of her political style,which you fondly call 'master strategy' or some times 'master strokes'. Interestingly,this so called strategy has clicked wonderfully beyond her expectations and perhaps baffled many political observers too. The success may be partially attributed to some glaring blunders of the ruling party. Admittedly, she’s harnessed her Railway ministry to do some positive work that has drawn public attention and enriched her vote bank, that too after LS poll. So it can’t explain her phenomenal victory in LS poll. Now she keeps harping on ‘state sponsored’ terrorism in which her party is playing no mean role.Perhaps, in days to come lawlessness will be on the rise, all developmental work will come to a stand still. More than one year is left for assembly poll to be held, till then such situation will continue. Who can say it might not go from bad to worse after she assumes office in 2011?.That LF will call it a day now is a matter of hot speculation .Perhaps, there’s no such precedence in Indian politics.In fine, it may be pointed out, the way the story of Left’s debacle in election was presented in your daily could not hide your cheerful out burst that might relegate even a staunch TMC activist to back seat. Please rein in emotion while presenting news.

Assembly By-polls

In Bengal wind of change keeps blowing unabated in Assembly by elections too. Out of ten seats Left has bagged only one. However, in effect it’s lost two seats to the opponent. The electoral reverses it started suffering since Panchayet poll continues undiminished. If this trend continues in coming Kolkata corporation elections too, change of power in favour of TMC-Congress alliance in Assembly poll in 2011 would be a forgone conclusion. Change of power after certain period of time augurs well for democracy. Long stay in power breeds corruption, nepotism, arrogance and complacency as well, although change for the sake of change is not desirable either. People always desire change for the better, particularly in a state like ours where terrorist and divisive forces are gaining ground. Victory of secessionist party like Gorkha Janamukti Morcha in the poll does not obviously send a good signal for the unity and integrity of the state. Whoever is in power must be on their guard against such evil forces. That apart, in democracy opposition should always extend support to the govt in the developmental work of the state. But here unfortunately this trait is absolutely lacking.Hope,if opposition comes to power,the present ruling party won’t behave the same way!
.


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Just in Jest!

(1) Marriage!
A: They say marriage’s made in heaven!
B: But what follows after marriage is made
in hell!


(2) Divorce!
Son: What’s divorce, dad?
Dad: It’s permission for another marriage/divorce!

(3)Luckier!
Q. Why are women luckier than men?
Ans.Because women have no wives!


(4)Mortality!
Q.Man’s mortal, but what about woman?
Ans.Woman makes man mortal!

Sachin Tendulkar

Master blaster Sachin Tendulkar has blasted one record after another. No body knows
where and when he’d stop! He’ s literally made mountain of runs which seems difficult to scale in decades to come. So Sachin’s assigned an uphill task for future generation of cricketers. Cricket is the be-all and end-all of Sachin’s life. He seems not to have fit in any role so well other than that of a cricketer, particularly as batsman. Perhaps he feel ill at ease when he performs ad assignments. He does not feel comfortable even as a captain either. He’s essentially a batsman from head to foot, though well skilled in other departments of the game. Like many other renowned batsmen, Sachin too went through bad patch when his batting performance badly declined and critics suggested it was high time he could call it a day. For God’s sake, he did not oblige them! He’s proved them wrong and shown there’s much of cricket left in him. Perhaps, critics won’t ever dare ask Sachin to retire even if his performance shows a down ward trend till he himself decides to call it quits!

Political Parlance(jokes)

(1)Politics!
A: See, political parties use even a dead body for
politicking
B: Yes, it’s called Body politic!

(2)New coinage!
When you toss a coin don’t say Head or Tail, instead
say Marxist or Maoist!

(3)Negotiation!
Home minister: Lay down arms and come to negotiation
table.
Maoists: Let us lay down arms on the table and start negotiation!

English Teaching

Perhaps now there is no debate over teaching of English from lower primary level as it was couple of years ago. Bengal govt’s decision to ban English teaching at primary level left no option to the parents but to admit their wards to English medium schools. Many took advantage of this situation and opened so called English medium schools over night without caring for their standard only to make a fast buck .People too made a rat race to get their children admitted even to such mushroomed schools. On the other hand, Bengali medium schools started languishing and many of them called it a day for dearth of students. At long last Govt awakened to reality and lifted the ban. English teaching started from primary level again. Now govt has even decided to make medium of instruction English at some selected schools, This experimentation with English teaching and late realization have proved costly for many who could not afford to admit their wards to English medium institutions. Hoewever,it’s to be noted at present time knowing English is not all, fluency in speaking is also necessary. In that respect English medium schools have certainly edge over their Bengali counter part.

Mail Train(Jokes)!

(1)Mail train!
Sardar was waiting for a train at a railway station
with his wife. A mail train came and Sardar boarded
it and told his wife, “ See, it’s a male train, wait till
a female train comes in”.

(2)Truth and Untruth!
A: What’s the difference truth and untruth?
B: Only four inches!
A: How?
B: As the distance between eye and ear is
four inches. It’s called Da Inchi Code!

(3)Cold reception!
A: He did not come here due to cold reception.
B: Cold reception? Rather he’s given warm
reception whenever he comes here!
A: Oh not that! He could not come here simple because
he caught(received) cold.

Disclosure of Judges' Assets

It’s unfortunate that Supreme court still shies away from being in the purview of right to information act in regard to declaration of judges’ assets. What’s more, the apex court has advised to appeal against Delhi High court’s verdict in favour of inclusion of courts’ judges in RTI act. This opposition obviously creates doubt and confusion in public mind regarding transparency of judicial system. It’s not clear what stands in the way of SC’s not offering it self to be covered by this act.A positive stance in this respect would have brightened the image of judiciary in popular esteem. What’s a relieving feature is that some judges including the Chief Justice of India have come forward to post their assets in the website, though in many cases it’s been done in a perfunctory manner. May be, it’s a welcome gesture to begin with and other judges will follow suit. But still doubt exits as to how many judges will be inspired by this overture till disclosure of assets is made mandatory.

Millionaire(Jokes)!

(1)Bad for health!
A: Do you take your meal at hotel?
B: No. I don’t like eating at hotel.
A: To eat regularly at hotel is not good.
B:Yes, of course! Hotel boy delivers food at my home.

(2)Millionaire!
A: He’s now a millionaire!
B: Yes, he’s collected millions from air.
A: What does it mean?
B: He’s engaged in aircraft manufacturing business!
.

(3)Medical bill!
Q.A newly wed wife of a man working in a medical
insurance company fell ill.The man refused to pay
her medical bill.Can you say why?
Ans.As her illness existed before marriage!

Absence of human face

Road accidents are very common now a days. Not a day passes in kolkata without an accident. The moment an accident takes place, people gather from nowhere and the agitated crowd go on the rampage. They block roads, mount assault on the accused vehicle and sometimes set it on fire. They rush the injured to the hospital and extend all possible help as the situation demands. Despite perpetration of the violence, the story represents the human face of the city. What’s interesting, the opposite also happens in the same city. People are seen passing by a man who’s fallen ill at road side or some one knocked down by a bus bleeding profusely and groaning in pain. They don’t care to lend a helping hand to the victim . Moved by conscience some ends their duty by informing police of the incident and police seldom respond to such stray call or ignore the incident on the ploy that it’s not occurred in their jurisdiction. In recent past a number of such incidents have happened in this city and what’s most worrying they ‘re on the rise. However, thanks to the electronic media, they play the role of good Samaritans in many such cases. They telecast the incident to draw the attention of the administration and of public as well and it yields result. But all victims are not that fortunate as to engage the notice of the media in time and remain unattended for hours to die on the spot. Some people shield their guilty conscience by arguing that they refrain from helping the victim for fear of harassment by police. Isn’t the excuse too lame when saving of a man’s life is concerned?

Astrology(Jokes)!

(1)Astrology!
Astrologer: Your zodiac suggests soon you’ll
have a road accident.
Man: Can’t it be some how avoided?
Astrologer:No.But chance of your survival can
be enhanced.
Man: How?
Astrologer: It can be made that you’ll be run over
by an ambulance so that you can be rushed to
hospital immediately after accident!


(2)Second Attack!
A: How is his father? I’ve heard he’s survived
cardiac arrest and will be soon released from hospital.
B: Sad, he’s died to day!
A: Definitely of second attack!
B: Yes, the moment he heard the hospital bill he suffered
the second attack!


(3)Treating patient!
Patient: Doc, I’m under your treatment for a long time but
I’ve got no relief as yet!
Doctor: See, I treat the patient and not the disease!.