Damage Control!

Normally Maoists own the responsibility of their action by making declarations through media. But in the case of Jnaneswari express tragedy they keep silent and a section of PCPA, which’s also a Maoists’ out-fit, rather claimed it was done by CPM to confuse people,particularly before civic polls. A section of people was really confused initially, but media reports have dispelled that confusion. Magnitude of tragedy has compelled Maoists not to admit to what they’ve done as they would lose the support and sympathy they’re now enjoying, though unfortunately, from a section of people. It’s no matter if Maoists confess to the present inhuman act that has surpassed their all previous records of brutality, this dastardly act has sufficiently eroded their support base and no damage control device they’re reportedly trying to embark upon would help them in any way.

Shame!

What followed the Jnaneswari Express derailment that cost nearly 150 innocent lives and left many more injured is utterly shocking. While primary investigation points to the fact that the ghastly incident might have been engineered by Maoists, a section of so called intellectuals went over board to accuse CPM, of course without mentioning the name, of having perpetrated such heinous crime to malign railway minister and reap benefit in Civic polls in a Press meet convened by them. Their logic was CPM could be the only beneficiary of such a gruesome tragedy. Incidentally, many of the proponents of such a theory are drawing hand some honorarium by virtue of their being on different committees of the railways because of their proximity with railway minister. Perhaps, never before any member of the civil society overtly stooped so low for personal gain or went to such an extent of slapping so serious and wild an allegation on a particular political party to show allegiance to party of his choice. To call them intellectual is doing sheer injustice to the very word ‘intellectual’. Nor can they be termed Member of the Civil Society for their uncivilized behaviour.Let us leave it to people to determine which category they belong to.

Jnaneswari Express Tragedy!

Luck ultimately betrayed us. After a series of minor accidents a major railway accident took place at early hours today . Bombay bound Jnaneswari Express was derailed near Jhargram resulting in high casualties.Loss of lives might exceed hundred and number of wounded people would be many more. It’s suspected to a sabotage done by the Maoists, though the railway minister has never named Maoists as its perpetrator. She rather thinks it as a conspiracy to discredit her as a railway minister and has demanded CBI enquiry to unearth truth, though CID has already started investigation. One of her close associates has even gone to the extent of saying that the sabotage has been done to keep her otherwise busy before Civic polls which are only a few hours away. Her adversaries too are not in a mood to spare her for this tragic incident before elections. They also indulge in scathingly criticizing her for affording much less time and attention than required to her job as a railway minister. Some saner political personalities, however, have appealed to all to keep this human tragedy over petty politics. Common people too cutting across any political belief are averse to cashing in on such a gruesome incident, which they think is more tragic than tragedy it self. Pray, let good sense prevail at this critical juncture.

Statue of Liberty!

(1) Hard reality!
Commit not suicide at public places. People won’t mourn your tragic end. They’d curse you for dislocation of their work schedule.

(2)Correcting Dementia!
Patient-Doc, am I suffering from dementia?
Doctor-Yes, I know it.
Patient-How, doc?
Doctor-That day you forgot to pay my fees!
Patient-Can’t it be corrected?
Doctor-Yes, of course!
Patient-How, Doc?
Doctor-Simply by paying double fees today!

(3)Statue!
Son-One’s statue is made after one’s death.
Dad-Normally, my son.
Son-There’s statue of Liberty in USA.
Dad-Yes, my son.
Son-Is there no liberty in USA, dad?
Dad-I don’t know, my son!

Sublime Education!

(1)Sublime education!
Principal- At our institute we offer Sublime Education.
Guardian-Sir, what’s this Sublime Education all about?
Principal- Here students take admission and then sit for
examination.
Guardian-But what about teaching?
Principal- It’ optional! Students generally opt for ‘no class’. So this intermediate stage is virtually absent. Hence this education system is called Sublime Education.

(2)Tea!
Client-Why have you served almost cold tea?
Boy- It’s Darjeeling tea, sir. It gets cold as soon as it’s
prepared!

(3)Govt Service!
Good-He was in service.
Bad-He’d to retire in due time.
Ugly- He couldn’t differentiate between service life
and retired life.

Allegation!

Allegation!
(1)Allegation!
Son: Dad, in her poll campaign Didi’s alleged CPM’s hatching a plot to trigger communal riot.

Dad: It’s useless to make fuss over such statement, my boy.

Son: Why, dad? It’s a serious allegation!

Dad: If you believe it then you should also believe Kolkata will be made London and North Bengal Switzerland if Didi comes to power.

(2)Water tax!
Son: Dad, Didi’s promised she won’t levy water tax if she wins KMC poll. But how is it
possible? Levying water tax is Center’s directive!
Dad: She knows 2011 assembly election is the waterloo of the Left front. Then it will be
‘water easy’ to wave water tax.

(3) TV screen!
Do you like to show your face on TV screen? Then have a spat with a bus conductor. Luck favouring, you will be manhandled and soon find your self in a TV studio narrating your woes to the viewers.

Vacuum Cleaner!

(1)Riz’s Marriage!
They say marriage is made in heaven. But, perhaps, Rizwan’s marriage was made in hell. So he’d to wallow in hellfire right after marriage till death rescued him!

(2)Court!
Son: Dad, High court has ordered to reinvestigate Riz’s death as a case of murder.
Dad: I think he committed suicide, my boy!
Son : How are you so sure, dad, while court thinks otherwise?
Dad: As he moved alone though he’d apprehension he could be murdered!

(3)Vacuum cleaner!
A: Floor is shinning like a mirror! How do you keep it so spotlessly clean?
B: I use vacuum cleaner.
A :I too, but mine is not so clean!
A: For better result I use broom too!

To Editor, TOI

Plain Living!
Dear Sir,
Thank you for highlighting Mamata Banerjee’s plain way of living as is evident in her not using expensive and pompous railway saloon which she’s entitled to as a railway minister unlike her predecessors who regularly used it and some times some of them even ‘misused’ it. It’s a glaring example of plain living and high thinking of a mass leader of her stature whose mainstay is Ma, Mati and Manush.I speak of her high thinking as she now thinks nothing less than Chief minister’s Chair in 2011 assembly election. But what you’ve skipped to mention in your effusiveness to show her frugal living despite being a cabinet minister is she seldom stirs out of Kolkata which is her ‘homeland’ even during parliament in session or railway men on strike at Bombay just to save govt money that will be spent for her journey.
Thank You.

Derailed Services

Not a day was left when Mamata Banerjee did not introduce a new train. Now not a day passes without any untoward incident happening in Railways. It ranges from derailment to stampede death due to delayed announcement at platform.Complaints about dearth of water, quality of food served, dacoities due to absence of security staff in railway compartments and host of other grievances are now a days too common. In fact, at present passengers are denied the basic amenities they earlier enjoyed ,let alone get better services than before as promised by Railway minister. Every thing seem to be in a mess!

No noble deed can be done by humbug, said Swami Vivekananda. It’s true to the letters in case of Indian Railways at present. New trains were introduced but no care was taken if the infrastructure was adequate enough to bear the brunt of added services. Things were done in a hurry to please people and win votes particularly in case of West Bengal where the spic-and-span metro services are also in disarray. Railway tracks too are not properly maintained particularly at places where new services have been introduced. It’s our good luck that major accident has not yet taken place. Pray, luck be with us in days to come!

To Editor,ToI

Marichjhapi Incident!
Dear Sir,
Thank you for exhuming Marichjhapi episode which was no doubt an inhuman and ghastly incident that took place long way back. I can’t but appreciate your perfect sense of timing to bring the issue back to life. In the political scenario when Civic polls are only a few days away and Congress and Trinomool are engaged in blame game over seat-sharing fiasco that might concede political advantage to the Left in polls, your heart, all on a sudden, starts bleeding for those ill-fated victims at Marichjhapi and you revisit the episode to rekindle the memory of those who’ve forgotten the incident and enlighten those, particularly the younger generation, most of whom happen to have no knowledge about it. I do believe you’ve no intention to show a particular party, which some detractors say is not in your good book for reasons best known to you, deliberately in poor light just before elections to give electoral advantage to other parties in the fray .Perhaps, you’ve resurrected the Marichjhapi incident now in the memory of those who suffered inhumanly and exemplify what honest and unbiased journalism is!

Sandwiched!

What is most unfortunate, a section of people are denied the barest necessities of life and have to even feed on ants’ eggs even after 63 yrs of independence. When they’ve started revolt against this injustice and abject deprivation being meted out to them, administration has awakened to reality and made knee jerk efforts to make amends. The saddest part of the story is that their movement against age long exploitation has been hijacked by some formidable force whose main aim is to wrench state power at gun point in the guise of saviours of the downtrodden and the hapless sufferers continue to suffer more sandwiched between their deliverers-administration on the one hand and self style crusaders on the other.

Underdevelopment

Naxal Movement!
Underdevelopment is the root cause of Naxal movement. So it should be first addressed to tackle this movement. Such statement has been cliché, though none would contest it. Sonia Gandhi too has vented such opinion though P.Chidambaram looks upon it as primarily a law and order problem particularly after the Dantewada carnage by the Maoists. But what’s to be noted, it’s easier said than done. How would you perform developmental work in utterly disturbed arrears? The govt officials or NGOs who’d carry out some pro-people activities in underdeveloped Maoist dominated region dare not venture into such areas for fear of life. Nor, can they do their job peacefully even if they start a project for utter lawlessness prevailing there. So before embarking upon developmental activities, law and order must be restored to bring in a congenial ambience to do work in the locality. True, if the plight of the people, many of whom even live in sub-human condition, could have received attention of the administration in due time and their condition be improved, the Maoists might not have made dent there. But it’s no time for blame game. Effective measures should be taken to bail out of the present predicament.

Normal Posture!

(1) Early Poll!
Son: Dad, why does Didi speak of early assembly polls if Left’s defeated in civic polls?
Dad: You know, my son, outwardly Didi hates CPM more than any body else
but at heart she’s the party’s well wisher. So Didi scares CPM with ‘early assembly polls’ so that it can work hard and fare well in civic polls.Didi, infact, does not care a fig for petty civic polls!

(2)T20 world Cup!
Son: Why has India fared so badly in T20 world Cup?
Dad: Perhaps it’s due to the hang-over of IPL that just preceded T20 world Cup.IPL’s much more an amusement than cricket. Our players were far more in entertaining mood than in playing form.

(3)Normal Posture!
Son: Dad, they say consecutive successes turned Dhoni’s head!
Dad: Yes, my son.
Son: Now successive failures would turn Dhoni’s head opposite way.
Dad: Yes my, son.
Son: Now Dhoni’s head is at normal posture.
Dad: I don’t know, my son.

Ignoring Reality

In her inaugural campaign for civic polls at Shyambazar yesterday(May 12) perhaps Didi was so swayed away by emotion that she promised to hold assembly election with in three months after the results of civic polls are out. She’s confident of thumping victory in municipal elections. Her confidence is well appreciated but giving bluff to people of early poll is equally depreciated. She’s well aware under normal circumstances assembly poll can’t be legally and constitutionally advanced even if her Central Govt so desires.Gullible voters might believe her but the knowledgeable public would see through her bluff. On Singur issue too she has promised when she‘ll come to power she’d return 400 acres of land from Tata’s abandoned project site to the poor land losers who refused to take compensation from state govt at her behest. But she fully knows it can’t be done under the existing law of the land. Isn’t it very unfortunate for a politician like her who boasts honesty, integrity and transparency in her politics and policies unlike the Left whose arrogance and rampant corruption are mainstay?

Civic Polls

(1)Tagore!
Son: Dad, on 150th Tagore anniversary day why did all parties rope in the poet in their civic poll campaign?
Dad: Only to give a poetic touch to their prosaic job, my son!

(2) Compromise!
Son: Dad, why have Congress and Trinomool decided not to attack verbally one another in civic poll campaign?
Dad: It’s called ‘Verbal Alliance’, my son. They will run out of invectives against CPM if they use them among themselves!

(3)Status!
Son: Dad, Pranab Mukherjee’s come here to campaign for Congress in civic elections.
Dad:It's a prestige issue,my son.
Son:Why dad?
Dad:If Trinomool has a cabinet minister to campaign for it, then can Congress stay behind?

(4)Closer!
Son: Dad, do you think Congress and Trinomool would form Jote at assembly poll?
Dad: Very likely, my son. It’s really difficult to bear with pang of separation too long!

MPs' Salary-hike

The proposed five fold increase in pay and that too at one go for MPs is really fascinating.At present what they’re enjoying as perks and allowances along with their normal pay (Rs.16,000.0/month) is no mean amount. In parliament, barring a few members who actively participate in day's proceedings , the rest sit idly and some are even literally caught napping. However, they serve a very useful purpose when voting takes on an issue in the House. In fact, they help the govt in crisis by their numerical strength. These honorable members believe in poet Milnton’s philosophy ‘They also serve who stand and wait’. However, it doesn’t mean MPs’ salary should not be hiked in these days of skyrocketing prices. But it should be raised rationally and not notionally!

Changing face of Cricket

Fortune favours the cricketers to make fortune overnight. Fortune turns their heads too so that they can’t turn bat and ball properly. Now India has almost called it a day in World Cup T20.However, India’s proud of its rare distinction of winning the first World Cup T20. Like Heisenberg’s Uncertainty principle, in cricket Glorious Uncertainty principle very much prevails .So here win or loss is equally glorious as ‘uncertainty’ makes a team winner and loser. Any way, cricket has undergone a sea-change with time. Once it was a 5-day game, then it reduced to one dayer and subsequently a few-hour match. Like instant coffee or tea, there might be instant cricket in days to come. What’s interesting all these forms co-exist and are almost equally popular. Of course, as our life has been very busy day by day 5-dayer Test or Classical cricket is not as popular as before like classical songs and music. They have a class of viewers or audiences of their own. In terms of overs, semi-instant cricket are in two formats- 50-50 and 20-20. Instant crickets to come must be of still lesser overs. Much controversial Lalit Modi introduced 20-20 cricket in a new package called IPL.Interestingly,along with IPL has come slave trade, though in a bit new form, that earlier was almost extinct in our society . Here, the cricketers are sold directly in auction and the highest bidder can buy the cricketer of his or her choice. However, the bidding money is given to the purchased cricketers. Thus Shah Rukh Khan and Juhi Chawla along with other share holders are jointly owners of all the cricketers purchased in auction for Kolkata Knight Riders. Thanks to Modi he’s made the cricketers simple commodities and Cricket more an entertainment than a game! Changes are taking place in the world of cricket so fast, it’s really difficult to keep track and equally tough is to make count of money flowing.

Burglary

(1)Suicide note!
A man committed suicide and left behind a note that reads: I hold no body
responsible for my death.However,I could die earlier if I did not marry so
late.

(2)Aim in life!
Teacher: What’s the aim in your life?
Student: To be an engineer!
Teacher: Explain why you like to be an engineer.
Student: As number of seats in medical stream is too low!

(3) Burglary!
Reporter: Salt Lake is now Burglars’ paradise! What are you doing?
Cop: We are keeping constant vigil.
Reporter: But burglaries are on the rise!
Cop: They work their work, we ours!

Dress Code

There is a popular saying ‘Eat according to your own choice, but dress according to other’s choice’(aap ruchi khana, par ruchi parna).But High Court has disapproved of this dictum. Some lady teachers of a Girls’ High school at Singur hauled the School management to court for imposition of dress code for teachers. High court has given verdict that teachers are entitled to wear dress of their own choice. This judgment is a good dressing down to the enthusiasts of dress code. Some over zealous people have been unnecessarily making row over dress code for long. Happily, the court verdict has put an end to this dispute. However, it does not necessarily mean dress code is bad and should be done away with in all spheres. In some services dress code is a must as it has necessity and utility. Again, liberty to wear dress of one’s won choice does not mean to put on something which looks indecent. But who’ll judge what’s decent or indecent? It’s another question which can trigger a never-ending debate!

Split!

(1)Split!
Son: Dad, Subrata Mukherjee has claimed CPM has engineered split in Trinomool-Congress unity.
Dad: Don’t pay heed to him, my son.
Son: Why, dad?
Dad: He himself is a split personality! He’s now vice-president of TMC as well as president of INTUC, West Bengal unit.

(2)Unparliamentary!
Son: Dad, speaker’s reprimanded TMC Chief whip Sudip Banerjee in Parliament for using abusive language against CPM MP Basudev Achariya.
Dad: Yes, my son.
Son: Sudip refuses to admit he used any unparliamentary word.
Dad: Sudip’s correct, my son!
Son: Why?
Dad: CPM and Trinomool are now at war. There’s nothing unfair in war, my son!

(3)SEZ!
Son: In last T20 world cup India could not even enter SEZ.
Dad: In India SEZ is a controversial issue. How is it related with cricket,
my son?
Son: Dad, it’s not Special Economic Zone as you refer to. In cricket it’s
Super Eight Zone!

Narco Test

Supreme court’s verdict that Narco Analysis, Polygraph and Brain-mapping tests can not be done on an accused unless he or she gives consent must have made human right activists happy. But it’s made the investigators of crime equally sad. Though not accepted as evidence in court, theses tests help in investigation. Court considers this test unconstitutional as it infringes one’s fundamental right. Does not the crime perpetrated by the accused affect the fundamental right of the victim? In modern times, crimes are done in a very sophisticated way so that their detection prove very difficult by traditional method. Perhaps, so to say, regular research work is done on how to execute criminal act flawlessly to escape detection. So investigators have no option but to use scientific tools to track down criminals. That apart, there are terrorists who are criminals with certain conviction, may it be wrong. They’re much devoted and dedicated to what they believe to be true. These band of criminals are very difficult to tackle and to extract confessional statement from them by conventional procedure is a Herculean task So non-conventional and innovative methods based on modern sciences may need to be adopted. But if they’ve no legal sanction, many criminals might not be awarded punishment they deserve for lack of evidence. If application of these modern methods are left to the consent of the accused, it’s any body’s guess that no accused would agree to face these tests. Admittedly, these tests are not full-proof but it can help the investigation in some way or other. So SC’s verdict merits reconsideration .

Marriage Aniversary!

(1)Marriage anniversary!
A: Married for years he’s never observed marriage anniversary!
B: Perhaps he doesn’t like to show off.
A: No. He always prefers annual marriage to marriage anniversary!

(2) A born swimmer!
A: He’s a born swimmer!
B: Yes, he learned how to swim while in mother’s womb.
A: Are you joking?
B: Never! Don’t you know a baby remains in water-sack in womb?

(3)Mistakes!
Dad: Always try to learn from mistakes, my son.
Son: Dad, do you mean the more I make mistakes, the more I would
learn?
Dad: Excuse me, I’ve meant nothing, my son!

(4) Similarity!
A: Do you find any similarity between Subrata Mukherjee and Kadambini of Tagore’s short story?
B: Yes.Kadambini died to prove she was alive while Subrata quits Congress to prove he was with Congress!

Change-over!

(1)Left!
Son: Didi says Left’s days are numbered. How many days are left for the Left?
Dad: Only a couple months are left before Didi writes off the Left!

(2)Wind of Change!
Son: Dad, is wind of change now blowing as hard as it did during Lok Sabha
poll?
Dad: It’s blowing rather harder!
Son: How do you know, dad?
Dad: As TMC is fighting alone with the Left!

(3)Change-over!
Son: Subrata Mukherjee’s going to join Trinomool tomorrow.
Dad: Like Subrata himself people too are confused about which party he exactly belongs to. Now it becomes clear he is still now in Congress and from tomorrow he’ll be in Trinomool.

International Freedom of Press Day

Freedom of press is a myth. So is International Freedom of Press day a hoax. Press is primarily guided by the ideology of media house it belongs to. So news and views are tailored to tow its line of thinking. Some print and electronic media do this job so brazenly that they seem to serve as the mouth piece of a particular political party or vested interest. Thing has gone to such a pass that the Press council has to censure media for dissemination of “Paid News”- paid information presented as news. In such vicious milieu, the readers and viewers are utterly confused. They can’t tell between truth and untruth. Press is a very powerful tool to form public opinion. So it can guide as well as misguide people. If media don’t behave impartially and responsibly, it would do immense harm to society and journalism as such. It would lose all credibility to its readers and viewers.

Fall-out of Seat-sharing Failure

Belying all speculations seat-sharing between Congress and TMC in KMC poll has failed. In view of spectacular success in the last Lok Sabha poll, TMC is confident of repeat performance in municipal elections too even if it goes alone. So from the very beginning TMC put the congress at the receiving end. But TMC’s failed to recognize situation has much changed since Lok Sabha poll. Many people who earlier extended unstinted support to it in Lok Sabha poll are now in two minds in view of its disturbing and questionable activities. So perhaps its popular support that reached all time high during Lok Sabha election is gradually waning. That apart, Congress has a vote bank of its own that is unlikely to swing in favour of TMC.The mess that continued before efforts to make seat sharing a success came a cropper would also have an adverse impact on the voters. So it’s very likely TMC would suffer a set back in forthcoming Municipal polls However, the blame game between TMC and congress regarding failure of seat-sharing will continue till coming assembly election. In case TMC does fairly well in civic polls, which is not very likely, it’ll be difficult to forge an alliance between TMC and Congress in assembly election. But if TMC fares badly , it’ll come forward on its own to have an alliance with Congress with out much bargaining. Only electorate know what’s going to happen!

Political Dementia!

(1)Live-together!
Son: Dad, why has Jote formation between Cong and TMC failed in civic polls?
Dad: I think, many of the members of both the parties consider ‘live-together’
unethical and immoral too!

(2)Loss!
Son: Who would be the most gainer for failure of Jote formation?
Dad: Obviously Congress!
Son: Why?
Dad: As TMC would suffer set-back in civic polls and concede more seats to
Congress in Assembly election without much bargain.

(3)Dementia!
Son: How did Shibu Soren vote for UPA during Cut motion in Lok Sabha?
Dad: It’s due to ‘political dementia’- a pathology many politicians suffer from!