Gall stone(jokes)!

(1)Gall stone!
A: Incidences of gallstone and kidney stones have
increased manifold.
B: Perhaps we’ve entered Stone Age again!

(2)Character!
Father: Character’s precious, my child. Always prize
it high. Character once lost is lost for ever!
Son: Don’t be afraid, dad. Only those with loose character
are prone to lose it!

(3) Income Tax!
I.T.O: You’ve earned a lot and made a big fortune, but have
paid no income tax for years. How daring you are!
Man: Sir, fortune favours the brave.
I.T.O: Fortune begets misfortune too!

Dr. Amartya Sen's View of Bengal Politics

Thanks to Dr.Amartya Sen, in an interview with a private TV channel he spoke his mind freely about what’s going wrong with our state. He didn’t mince words in criticizing both ruling party and the main opposition for whose lapses the state is badly suffering. Their strained relation and lack of coordination stand in the way of state’s progress. To start with Chief minister made genuine move for industrialization but made some mistakes. As these mistakes were left unaddressed, they snowballed into major problem. Before Lok Sabha poll, proud of brute majority ruling party ignored opposition and hardly cared to have a dialogue with them in policy matter. So it created chasm between them. Scenario changed when after reverses in Lok Sabha election LF reduced to minority party. Now the chief opposition refuse to go in for dialogue with the ruling party.

Regarding the wind of change supposed to be blowing in the state, Dr.Sen said it would bring no real change if it’s only confined to change of power, opposition replacing the ruling party. There must be change in the anarchic situation now prevailing. Developmental work is not possible in such a messy situation where politics of violence and vendetta are order of the day. He’s also of the opinion unless opposition work in tandem with the ruling party, a state can’t progress. Regarding Lalgarh movement Dr. Sen says in general political parties and ‘social bandits’ play with the issue of non-development as if it’s a ‘Political Football’. If ruling party is responsible for non-development at Lalgarh for a long time, opposition is held no less responsible as they did not point out this lapse to the govt in time. Dr.Sen does not feel optimistic about future of Bengal unless people here take a strongly positive attitude in favour of industrialization.

Future(jokes)!

(1) Future!
A: I’m undone, my future is bleak!
B: I’m happy you too have future, may it be bleak!
A: Why do you say so?
B: It’s not me ! Your past and present say so.

(2)Fortune!
A: What’s your son?
B: He’s a famous architect!
A: Surely he earns a lot and has made a big fortune.
B: No wonder, an architect will make his own fortune!

(3)Deeds!
Teacher: What’s meant by ‘a man lives in deeds and not
in years’?
Student: Very simple sir! A man’s known by how many
property deeds he owns in his life time and not by
how many years he lives.

Gorkhaland- a day dream!

Dream of Gorkhaland will not come true.Gorkha Janamukti Morcha(GJM) is, in fact, fighting a lost battle It’s known to GJM also. Central govt has seemingly no intention to bifurcate Bengal that once suffered split during Independence.BJP has lent support to Gorkhaland movement only to strengthen their political base at hills. It fielded Jaswant Singh as a candidate in Lok Sabha poll who got overwhelming support from GJM and won the election. But it’s ill luck for GJM, Jaswant Singh was later expelled from BJP. Then came Central govt’s decision to accord statehood to Telangana in Andhra Pradesh in view of sustained pro-Telangana movement and it gave GJM a shot in the arm. Gorkhaland movement gained new momentum. But unfortunately for GJM again, Center’s decision has triggered anti-Telangana movement that has compelled Center to put its decision on hold. Now caught in the cross fire of anti- and pro- Telangana agitations Center’s yet to decide what to do next and is desperately trying to bail out of the present predicament. So it’s dampened the spirit of GJM though they’re carrying on their movement with apparent determination. Neither state nor central govt has negated their demand at one go and carry on negotiations with them perhaps for strategic reasons. Center will unilaterally take no decision as it’s learnt a bitter lesson from Telangana episode. So it’ll leave the matter to other political parties of the state to forge a consensus, which is, in fact, impossible as all parties except BJP have already spelt out their verdict against division of state. So ultimately GJM will have to retreat from their demand for Gorkhaland and settle for something less.

Child's Play(jokes)!

(1)Child’s play!
A: Be serious! It’s not a child’s play.
B: Don’t underestimate a child. Come to my house
and see what child’s play is all about.Here,nothing
is left unbroken!

(2)Sibling!
Son : Dad, Necessity is the mother of Invention. Who’s
the father?
Dad: Curiosity is the father.
Son: Has Invention no sibling?
Dad: Yes, of course. Discovery!

(3)Hair-raising!
‘ It’s a hair raising experience’, said a bald man.
‘At least not to you’, remarked his friend.
‘ Why’, asked the bald man innocently.
‘As a bald man is always a bold man. Nothing can
raise his hair’, quipped the friend.

Committing Nuisance!

Cleanliness is Godliness. And they also say habit is the second nature.Infact, cleanliness is alien to our nature.Some say, of course jokingly, we carry ‘nasty’ gene. It means hereditarily we carry ‘nasty’ habits. This much is enough for you not to hold your patience and burst out in protest. Please rein in your emotion for some time and let me illustrate. Don’t many of us feel like spitting whenever we leave our home and translate our desire into action on streets? Do we ever think apart from making the street filthy we’re polluting the atmosphere with infectious germs that might be present in our saliva? What’s unfortunate, this spitting habit is not confined to poor and uneducated people only, it is seen among the rich and educated men too. As dogs can’t resist urinating when it finds lampposts, similarly some people can’t resist spitting coloured beetle juice(paan) whenever they find walls, may it belong to govt or private office or bank or be boundary wall of someone’s house. The analogy might sound crude, if not vulgar, but it’s true. Some times to stop spitting on the wall, owners put up tiles figured with god’s or goddess’s images on the walls. Owners believe gods or goddesses would save their walls from spitting even from a hardcore atheist. Now comes ‘open air bath room’ habit. It’s one of the most nasty habits some people indulge in on the streets. Nuisance they commit at any place they like making it an instant lavatory. Even the space beneath the no- nuisance board is not spared. However, entire blame should not be laid to those commit such nuisance. Some times they find no place to ease themselves other than these open air bath rooms. They see no urinal around or available urinal is too filthy.Perhaps,such free-response-to-nature’s call can be minimized by providing way side lavatories. But mind again, habit is the second nature. Can nature be easily changed?

Drug(jokes)!

(1)Exam result!
Father: Why have you not informed me that your exam result
has been out?
Son: Very recently you’ve survived a massive heart attack. So I decided not to endanger your life again!

(2)News item!
Son: Dad, this news item reads police indiscriminately arrested youths from the village. I can’t understand why police did nab the youths in particular?
Dad: Perhaps police believes in ‘ catch them young’, my son!

(3)Drug!
A: I’ve to spend much on drug!
B: Don’t take drug. It’s dangerous!
A: Dangerous? Drugs have kept me alive!
B: All drug addicts say so!
A: I’m not an addict. I take drugs for my ailments.

Center's Dilemma

Telangana issue
Perhaps never before any govt at center was in such a predicament as UPA is now over division of a state. It’s now between two fires.Anti-Telengana activists, some of them were earlier pro-Telangana too, are up in arms on the one hand and pro- Telangana TRS Chief is flexing muscle threatening blood bath if their demand is not fulfilled on the other. Admittedly, it’s the fall-out of govt’s taking decision of dividing AP in hasty and faulty way. Now it’s difficult for UPA to implement the decision ,nor can it be put on hold for long. It’s for certain, if now the issue is referred to AP assembly for consensus , no purpose will be served. Now what’s the way out of this most intrigued situation? Govt can buy time by negotiating with both the sides till the situation cools down and on the basis of discussion suitable follow-up action may be resorted to.

Rural Health Practitioner

In our country doctor patient ratio is significantly small. However, in this regard urban people are much better placed than their rural counter part. Health services at rural arrears are abjectly poor. There’re fewer health centers compared to vast rural population. What’s more, these centers too chronically suffer from dearth of medical practitioners, medicines and other medical facilities. Qualified doctors, even fresher, normally prefer to practice in urban medical centers than in rural ones. To address this problem West Bengal govt’s decided to launch a 3-yr health care diploma course for catering health services to rural arrears. Those who will successfully complete this course will be called Rural Health Practitioners and not ‘doctors’. However, this move has evoked adverse reactions in medical community . Opinion may differ but if the proposed course is properly conducted and the participants well trained, it’s very likely that the move will go a long way in improving the rural health care service. It’s no denying the fact, were the health care units provided with adequate number of qualified doctors, much better medical service could be made available in villages. As it can not be done in reality, the proposed move will be none too bad an alternative. Apart from providing health practitioners, the health centers should be equipped with proper medical facilities also.

Inventive(jokes)!

(1)Tube well!
‘Why is it so hard to pump water from the newly sunk tube well?’, enquired the man.
‘It’s not my fault, sir. Here’s mostly heavy water underground’,
explained the plumber.

(2)Left in the cold!
A: You dropped him from the team. But why was he left out in the
cold?
B: It’s a lie!
A: You mean you didn’t drop him.
B: Yes, I did. But how could he be left out in the cold in summer?

(3)Inventive!
Guardian: How is my son doing?
Teacher: Nice! I’ve never seen such an inventive boy.
Guardian: What has he invented?
Teacher: What not? He’s invented all the excuses to avoid studies!

Farewell to our Governor!

Gopal Krishna Gandhi is perhaps the most misunderstood governor Bengal has ever seen. But what Mr. Gandhi’s said in his farewell speech leaves hardly any room for misunderstanding particularly to the political leaders and activists. He’s warned them the ambience of mutual distrust and disrespect among the political parties now prevailing is prejudicial to any developmental activities of the state. He’s advised to abjure politics of bandh, vendetta and violence. All parties should work in unison for state’s interest. Message’s quite loud and clear. But unfortunately it’s very likely our governor’s parting advice will be more honoured in defiance than in observance. Farewell to our governor!

Carving out New States

Perhaps India’s going to be fragmented! One demand after another follows for new statehood. If different states come up based on ethnic, religious, lingual and other
considerations then perhaps India would boast innumerable states, a rare distinction for a federal country in the world. One common motive force behind emergence of a new state is to generate scope for development which it’s unjustly denied by the parent state. But facts tell otherwise. In many instances, new states formed have hardly fulfilled the expectation of progress and prosperity as envisaged before secession. However, it’s no denying the fact that formation of new state is sometimes necessary. For example, recent Central govt’s assent to accord statehood to Telangana cannot be claimed altogether unjustified. In fact, demand for Telangana as a new state is almost 60 year old and it should have been conceded to much earlier. But now Center’s consent has triggered almost flood of demands for new statehood across the state. In Bengal Gorkha Janamukti Morcha, inspired by Center’s decision, intensified their agitation. Not only that, movement for greater Koch Bihar as a new state has gained momentum. Once bifurcated Bengal is threatened with another division. What’s more, Uttar Pradesh chief minister Mayawati has gone to the extent of trifurcation of her state to facilitate administration. It’s for certain Central govt can’t stoop to demands for formation of new states at the drop of a hat but what’s unfortunate, such secessionist mentality is prejudicial to the national integrity of our country.

Free Tips(jokes)!

(1) Free tips!
Do you like to cut down on your expenses of dinner party? Then take the following tips:
(a) Go in for buffet system.
(b) Keep no dinner table or chair in the dining hall.
(c) Give your guests weighty dishes to take food so that they can’t hold them long.

(2)Mosquito-borne disease!
City’s reeling under the impact of mosquito borne diseases,
complain media.
The matter’s blown out of proportion, counter claim govt.
Then who knows the truth?
Mosquito!

(3)Terrorists!
Son: Dad, despite tight security blasts can not be prevented
and people saved.
Dad: Yes, my son.
Son: Dad, do you think only terrorists can save our lives?
Dad: Yes, my son.

Congress's Chintan Sibir

Nothing new has transpired from recently concluded Congress’s Chintan Sibir at Krishnagar,Nadia . It was altogether a tame affair. However, in the present political circumstances Congress has nothing to do but to play the second fiddle to Trinomool Congress(TMC). In Bengal Congress, in fact, is suffering from identity crisis. Now its primary duty as assigned to it by Central leadership and Congress high command in particular is to assist TMC to remove the Left from state power.TMC supremo on the other hand, is well aware that despite her charisma TMC alone can’t fight the Left and wrest power to make her Chief minister So is this alliance with Congress or in other words marriage of convenience. However, she’s also aware recent electoral successes are largely due to her party and so dictates terms unilaterally in seat adjustment. Though it brews resentment among the rank and file of congress and top leadership too rue such dictatorship of the TMC chief, but their voice is silenced by congress high command as she can not afford to lose the golden opportunity of ousting the Left from power after more than three decades. That apart, the recent memory of the Left’s abortive efforts to topple her government at center haunts her bitterly. Besides , she’s other compulsions too. So she’s to surrender to TMC chief’s most unjustified demands for electoral seats. In Chintan Sibir Pranab Mukherjee tried to pacify the simmering discontent prevailing to a larger extent among a section of state leaders and cadres, by criticizing TMC supremo, that too in a mild way. However, he did not forget to eulogize her in the same breath for successes in polls. Again, as Mr. Mukherjee has no mass base of his own and he’s to depend on party activists here for his electoral success, so he needs to keep them in good humour.For his own stake too he’d to be a bit critical of TMC chief.

Diabetes(jokes)!

(1)Pay more, see more!
Patient: Doc, after operation I see no better!
Doctor: At this price I can’t offer you more
vision. Pay more, see more!
Patient: I don’t mind doc,the less I see the less
I sulk!

(2)Diabetes!
Patient: What’s diabetes, doc?
Doctor: It’s a small scale sugar industry in human
body.

(3Mosquito!
Media man: Mr. Minister, mosquito borne diseases still continue to take toll! What measures are you going to take?
Minister: We’re going to train the mosquitoes so that they
refrain from carrying the life threatening virus!

Climate Change Summit

Now the whole world is much concerned about global warming and is focused on Climate Change Summit at Copenhagen. Nature never tolerates excesses and we have been perpetrating it ruthlessly for generations oblivious of its consequences. Now danger is knocking at our door and we’ve awakened to reality. Knee jerk movement has started. Nations, big and small, rich and poor, developed and developing are all rushing to Danish capital with anxieties writ large on their faces. The main objective is how to contain green house gases in atmosphere to stall rise in global temperature. Global warming has already started taking toll and if it can not be reined in drought and deluge in unprecedented scale will strike the humanity. In fact, now is the time not control the damage already done but to resist further damage. So immediately all countries should come to consensus that they would take effective measures to diminish emission of carbon .Admittedly, developed countries are responsible for three-fourths of already accumulated emitted carbon in atmosphere and an embargo on carbon emission would adversely affect economic growth of developing countries. Developed nations might reduce emission by harnessing improved technology which developing countries can not afford. So developed nations should come forward to help their developing counter parts financially to ensure they could use advanced devices to curb carbon emission without compromising their economic growth. Problem should be sorted out by mutual consent and co-operation without wasting time delving into blame game.Mind,it has been already late and we should have seriously considered the problem much earlier. We fervently hope this Copenhagen Summit must show a way out to save our planet from the great disaster staring us in the face.

Pickpocket(jokes)!

(1Pick pocket!
A: The pick pocket was caught red handed and
then meted out hand to mouth treatment.
B: What’s this hand to mouth treatment all about?
A: He was roughed up and abused!

(2)Reconciliation!
A: Once they were friends, but now they’re at
daggers drawn!
B: Have you ever tried reconciliation between
them?
A: Yes, I did but couldn’t make both ends meet!

(3)Quitting smoking habit!
A: I’m happy your husband has given up smoking!
Wife: But I’m not happy.
A: Why?
Wife: If he can quit 25-year old smoking habit in a
moment, he may quit me too at any moment!

Presidency College

Presidency college enjoys the rare distinction of being the oldest college of India. It was established way back in 1817 named as Hindu College. In 1855 it was renamed as Presidency College and brought under govt control. The college was rated no.1 in academic excellence in the whole country for a long time. It produced a host of illustrious personalities who are ever remembered for their unique contributions in different walks of life. However, presently the college’s lost much of its sheen, although it’s still adjudged one of the 10 best colleges in the country. Some attribute this relegation to infiltration of politics in the field of education in the state. Here in many cases merit’s given way to political allegiance. So people of average merit rule the roost in the seats of learning and Presidency College cannot totally alienate itself from what’s happening around. Presidency college will soon emerge as a full-fledged university, although government college teachers' association is not happy for such special favour accorded to this institution. It may be pointed out unlike colleges, universities as autonomous institutions enjoy freedom in recruitment of faculties. In new born Presidency university and for that matter in any other universities if teaching and non teaching faculty members are recruited strictly on merit and on no other considerations,political or otherwise, they are likely to grow into institutions of excellence, provided they’ve adequate infrastructure.Hope,forth coming Presidency university will be our national pride as university as it was once as a college.

Begging and Buffet(jokes)!

.(1)Begging and Buffet!
When shabbily dressed people hold their bowls and
ask for food it’s begging. When handsomely dressed
people hold their dishes and ask for food it’s buffet!

(2)Punctuality!
Son: Dad, how many of us are punctual?
Dad: Not many, my son!
Son: Then why do we clamour, if winter is a bit late?
Dad: It’s human nature to find fault with others, my son!

(3)Father’s missing!
Son: Doc, I don’t find my dad in bed!
Doc: I know. He’s missing.
Son: How can he be missing? He’s too weak to walk!
Doc: I’m happy my medicine’s worked so well he went
out of the hospital alone!

Ahmed's Austerity!

Sultan Ahmed,state minister of tourism in central govt has recently hit the news
for his unbelievably high hotel bills at Delhi in six months. However, he pleads
ignorance and pass the buck to the officials of his department for misguiding
him. But few like to buy into this naive argument. People hold him responsible for
misuse of public exchequer, particularly when his govt has embarked upon austerity measures.Ahmed’s so called ignorance has turned out to be a bane rather than bliss to his party too.So TMC supremo has asked him to cough up the money from his own pocket to bail out of the embarrassing situation.Ahmed’s agreed to her advice seemingly much to his relief. But how has Ahmed agreed to pay as much as 38 lacs of rupees at one go from his coffer? How much money has he amassed ? Is it in tune with his source of income? All these questions might now arise!

Doctors,then and now

Doctors were once the most revered segment our society. Family physicians were friends, philosophers and guides to many of us. Some even used to discuss their personal non-medical problems with their doctors. Doctor patient relation was one of mutual trust and respect. Time’s undergone sea-change. A doctor is now like any other professional, although medical profession is not like any other profession.It deals with life. A doctor’s slightest mistake might take away a precious life. But a section of unscrupulous doctors have reduced this noblest of professions to a simple money making business. They fleece patients in all possible ways, take gifts ranging from costly house hold appliances to foreign trips from pharmaceutical companies to prescribe their medicines even if they’re of inferior quality or dearer than other medicines of same composition and efficacy. They also take commissions from diagnostic centers and advise investigations those are not necessary for the patients. They’ve unholy nexus with private hospitals and nursing homes too.Some surgeons in particular make no bones about charging exorbitantly high fees for operations if the patient concerned happens to have medical insurance policy. Hospitals and nursing homes also follow suits. Insurance companies, on the other hand, enhance the rate of premium to make good their ‘loss’. However, in all professions there are bad and good people too. But in medical professions ‘bad’ people can do much more harm than those in other professions. For them doctor patient relation has turned out to be one of distrust and disrespect. Now patients tend to disbelieve even the honest intention of doctors.Nothing can be more unfortunate! Happily, the picture’s is not as gloomy as it appears to be. There’re a good number of honest and dedicated doctors whose motto is to serve people to the best of their ability. Patient’s well-being is their priority.

Liquor Death(jokes)!

(1)Reading !
Lady: Why do you keep looking at me?
Man: I’m reading you like a book.
Lady: So nicely you talk! Keep reading
but don’t thumb the page!

(2)Head&Heart!
A: He’s a man of head and heart!
B: I’m afraid he might suffer both cerebral
and heart attack.
A: I’m happy you’ve no such possibility!

(3)Liquor death!
Son: Dad, liquor death takes place again!
Dad: Sad, but it’s a blessing in disguise, my son!
Son: Why, dad?
Dad: It’d create liquor phobia among the addict and help them quit alcohol.

Letter to the Editor, TOI

Honest Journalism!
I like to thank you for receding Lok Sabha proceedings to 4th page while Didi's illogical and delirious utterances finding larger space in the 3rd page in today's edition of your daily. I like to further congratulate you on your seemingly conscious omission of Didi's deliberately replacing P.Chidambaram's 'assist' by her 'assess' to confuse public and her cadres. You also deserve compliments for your insinuation at BJP's support to the Left in Lok Sabha while the latter was protesting against sending Central team to W.Bengal.You also deserve praise for your well concerted move along with some private TV channels in the state to liberate people from the shackle of Left's 'misrule'.